Newest Member: Confused10


BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

5 Year Antiversary - Life is so much better

Five years ago today, I found proof of my XWH's infidelity. I thought I was having a heart attack and my legs gave out from under me. Infidelity has been the worst pain I've gone through. Panic attacks, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and when I did sleep the nightmares of XWH and AP woke me, loss of concentration. I cried, screamed, howled with the puppers out on our front porch.

Luckily, I found SI within a month of dday 1. Some of the words were brutal, and others very kind. The advice was so valuable as I tried to pick up the pieces and figure out where I was.

At a year out, I was finally able to start taking stock around me. I could see XWH was not really working to change. Then, his IC suggested we try MC. (Although, I'm not positive about this because XWH lies a lot.) So, I said I'd go. For me, this was really his final chance to show he was changing. Well, in MC he confessed to what was basically sexual assault. I was done.

SI helped me through that phase, too. Now, I'm in my own place near my children and grandchildren. I am content and happy with where I am at - and I actually have some money in my savings account.

Thankful for my SI community. For those in the early days, hang in there. It does get better.

15 comments posted: Sunday, March 26th, 2023

3 Year Antiversary of Dday2, Decision to D

Friday was the 3-year mark of when XWH confessed to his latest blunder with inappropriate behavior with a female. I was done and told him that I wanted a D. And about 4.5 years from dday1.

This year, I have felt like I am healing and am going to be ok. The only lingering issue is being hyperalert in the car. Catch something out of the corner of my eye or somebody isn't slowing for the light, and I sometimes jump in my seat.

I haven't tried dating yet because I'm enjoying going where I want and doing what I want. I'm going to different local places and am liking that I don't have to deal with a crabby man being a jerk.

Years 1-3 were so pain-filled that I didn't think I'd ever make it through. This past year has been the best year I've had in a very long time.

If you're starting your journey, just hang in there and keep working on you. It does get better.

How did I make it? Mindfulness and meditation were game changers. Also important was taking on the BASGU mindset. That's Bad Ass Sparkling Unicorn Goddess. (Thanks, Chaos) Find something that makes you feel your best, most bad assault self - and wear it.

6 comments posted: Sunday, August 28th, 2022

Not Looking For a New Relationship

My SIL brought up the topic that I should start dating. I said that I would consider dating if future BF was an enhancement to my life and didn't interfere with my relationship with my kids and grandkids.

My new beginning is with me and my wants and needs because I am worth it. So thankful for the SI peeps that helped me get to this place.

Your new beginning doesn't need to involve another person. My advice? Don't jump into another relationship too soon.

7 comments posted: Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Engine started on the karma bus

I wasn't painshopping.... Oldest DS came over to vent. XH showed up Labor Day weekend with no warning, schmoopie in tow. (XH now lives in another state, 9 hours away and is engaged.)

Schmoopie had a dream that he was cheating on her, and woke up screaming at him.

She had a dream that XH was a woman, so kept checking his "package" to make sure he was a he.

According to DS, XH was an emotional vampire and drained the life blood from DS.

4 comments posted: Monday, September 13th, 2021

XH moving 9 hours away

Well, it's been an interesting weekend for my adult kids.

XH is moving to another state and will be 9 hours away. He's leaving on Monday. Last weekend, XH didn't give boys much notice and expected them to come help him pack. They were pissed.

SIL had Father's Day bbq on Saturday. He brought his new GF that he's moving in with, even though SIL and my boys said no, it's too soon. XH brought her anyway. Underscored how selfish he really is.

He's leaving in the morning, and I'm glad. I am sad because my oldest said that when XH is in an accident or is really ill, he'll have to go 9 hours to help out. That piece of it makes me sad.

I'm glad because now I won't be anxious about running into him in town. I already knew he would leave me to tell everybody about the divorce anyway.

How did I find out he was moving? Epic, really. I went to the coffee shop we've gone to for years. XH goes every day, so and I go 1-2 times per month. The barista says, "Hey! I hear you're moving soon." I said that I wasn't and gave her the real story.

Yes, XH is a covert narc & this is typical. Let people assume things by not telling the entire truth.

The important things are the kids see I'm working on healing and tying to move forward in a healthy way, and I'm not going to abandon them. As I saw mentioned on another thread, the size of his world is the circumference of his penis.

So glad to be out of infidelity.

9 comments posted: Sunday, June 20th, 2021

Antiversary 3 and Thanks SI

Three years ago today, I saw the videos that blew up my life and my SIL'S life.

My advice? Have IC with a betrayal specialist, get meds from your doctor to help. Focus on you, because you've probably neglected you for so long. R is hard and only works in few scenarios.

4 comments posted: Friday, March 26th, 2021

Divorce final today

Got the call from Family Court a little bit ago. The judge signed the papers, so we're now officially divorced. Only delayed about a week, and now I can quit stressing about when the call will come.

I'm sad, scared, happy & hopeful all at the same time. Glad it's over.

11 comments posted: Thursday, February 25th, 2021

Delay in D for Paperwork

Well, it's really due to the COVID-19 precautions. I had my call with the court facilitator yesterday. She filled out the final findings and facts. She is snail mailing me the form that STBXWH and I have to sign and return. The facilitator will get the paperwork before the judge, then an assistant will give me a call when it's finished.

So, it won't be a Zoom call and it probably won't be this Friday. Well, at least I won't need to worry about being stuck with the kitten filter on.

I'm disappointed in the delay, but it shouldn't be too much longer.

1 comment posted: Wednesday, February 17th, 2021

Torn Asunder

Has anybody read Torn Asunder and the workbook? How did you do with it - helpful/not helpful?

I started reading, but the first story is by the OW & I triggered badly. Don't know if I should continue or not.


0 comment posted: Tuesday, July 17th, 2018

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