Newest Member: davids3511

SLM10

Feeling pathetic

I cant believe I am writing this as I feel slightly pathetic. Almost 6.5 years ago my long-term bf of 5.5years and I bought a house and 3 weeks later he blindsided me, left me for another woman and abandoned me with the house and all the financial ramifications. He married the woman a yr and a half later and I think has a family now but I dont look and havent for several years. The way he went about things was absolutely devastating. He continually lied, went on a trip to a foreign country with her 5 days after we broke up and the only reason I found out about her was because she posted pictures on facebook of them together at her BROTHERS wedding in said country. We had literally slept together 5 days prior......to find out that way was the most traumatizing thing I have ever experienced. Not to mention the fact that he met her WHOLE family and hung out with them right after he lied and told me he was going to a different city to hide the fact that he was actually going out of town to a foreign country with a girl I knew nothing about. He did admit it was a mistake going on that trip but I think he knew he put the nail in the coffin with that. He also admitted he wasnt thinking clearly when he made some of the decisions and he thought about what he did to me everyday and it was super awful and I didnt deserve any of it. He admitted that he never should have been talking to her as it clouded his judgement etc. Yet....he still stayed with her and I cant help but feel like his actions are justified because it all worked out for them. The last time we ever had contact was in 2016 when I found out they got engaged a week after he called me saying all these things. I obviously lost my shit and told him to never contact me again and that a relationship built on deception and lies was doomed to fail. He tried calling me late one night about 2 months before his wedding and I did not answer nor did I ever find out what he wanted. His relationship didnt fail from what I know but my brain has tricked me into believing its a huge success and all the pain he put me through was totally justified and worth it.

Obviously I have done alot of therapy, I have also accomplished alot since this has happened. Moved cities, dated somewhat, worked on myself, went back to school...you name it. But the other day I got triggered and after all this time I am so annoyed this still bothers me. I cycle between how did he just "get away" with hurting someone so much. Its not like our relationship had problems..we literally never fought (which in hindsight was probably a bad thing because the lack of communication is what most likely led to it all). I think it doesnt help that I have struggled with dating while he seamlessly overlapped me and just transitioned on to a new life without any repercussions. His family was not happy with him at first but obviously when he got married they had to accept this is the person he wanted to be with. I have been so lonely and I am worried it will never end. I hate this and how I have not fully moved on from the hurt and betrayal and I want to not care about him anymore. Any advice on how to finally put this all behind me


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11 comments posted: Thursday, April 21st, 2022

Question for waywards with adult children

WS only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:25 AM, May 4th (Monday)]

2 comments posted: Sunday, May 3rd, 2020

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