BW (SSM) D-Day: 6/9/2018 Status: Divorcing
Dating and trust after infidelity
I haven’t been here in quite some time. Lots of continued digging into my healing with therapy, lots of adjustments into single life and independence and kids and all the things. I’ve dated off and on but nothing serious (purposely as i just didn’t feel ready).
Anyway…I’ve met someone now that’s definitely wanting to build up to a more serious space over time and I’m finding myself immensely cautious and fearful of trusting him. I’m trying to pay attention to red flags that may arise and attempting to make sure I communicate and journal and whatever else…
Right now he has a female friend that he’s been friends with for 7 or 8 years staying in the guest bedroom at his home as she visits from out of town. Old me would have totally been chill with that - wouldn’t have cared at all. I have friends of all kinds and I wouldn’t cross that line so I used to feel like others could do the same. Now? I find myself thinking, "What if this is just like your former WS and you’re being played for a fool again? Run!"
He did tell me about this visit way before hand and asked me how I felt about it. I told him it would be fine, I don’t want to control or block anyone…and I of all people know that if the person I’m dating is gonna sleep around or betray then they’ll always find a way to do it. Not my job to control them. Nothing I can do to stop them.
Now that she’s there though I’m feeling all of this distrust. I find myself wanting to stop communications and just remove myself completely, it’s like I’ve already made up my mind that this is not a trustful situation and I need to run before I get too deep & find myself hurt all over again!
It feels heartbreaking at the same time though bc I find myself wondering if I will ever be able to feel safe and build trust with someone again?
How did you maneuver trust and dating after infidelity?
8 comments posted: Friday, September 23rd, 2022
Unable to do italics/bold when editing a message
If I'm missing something please let me know. I've tried on my phone and laptop. The bold/italic/quote options seem to only be available when I'm typing an original post but upon editing I do not see these options.
0 comment posted: Friday, September 10th, 2021
Book Suggestions on Sexual Aversion/Disgust
And or related to moving past aversions or disgust feelings likely brought on by prior sexual traumas?
6 comments posted: Wednesday, August 18th, 2021
Shower or at least clean up before sex…yay or nay?
Talking to a friend today and the discussion of morning sex came up to which I discussed how I personally haven’t done that myself but also wouldn’t want to kiss morning breath. I also find that I prefer for me and the person I’m having sex with to shower or at least clean up somehow prior to the act.
My friend said she had an ex that felt that way but she doesn’t actually feel like that herself - morning breath isn’t an issue, shower isn’t necessary (of course so long as it’s not like dirty) and a good swig of water in the morning to take the morning breath down is good enough for the makeout sesh (ick!😝).
Then I’m like well…I’m actually one of those people that even gets all eww when I see people making out on tv. I’ll see the saliva string going from one persons mouth to the others and I’m like gross!!! I don’t know why I’m just a super stickler for this stuff. I am exploring a lot of my own relationship with sex in therapy due to past abuse/rape/molestations and sometimes wonder if that’ll change my perspective but for now, this is me!
Am I alone? I thought I’d post this to see where others stand on this. No judgment of course. Just curious and interested.
[This message edited by maise at 6:43 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]
6 comments posted: Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021
My grandmother passed away today
She was 89 years old. She lived next door to me and I loved her deeply. She was in a lot of pain prior to leaving us - I hate that for her. I’m very heartbroken, I will miss her so much but I also would have never selfishly wanted to keep her here longer with the amount of pain she was in. She was such a great grandmother. I hope she knows we loved her deeply.
Yesterday she was in hospice. She was supposed to be there for three days or so while they set her bedroom up at home. She told us she didn’t think she’d make it past the evening. I went up there with my bestie, my wife, and my kids to see her through the window while three of her daughters were inside with her. Eventually more and more grandchildren, great grandchildren and even her last remaining sister showed to her window to see her. I hope she received the love we sent. I’m glad we listened.
In the past I’ve had a history of not telling people when things happen to me. I’ve had a history of not sharing when I’m in pain or experiencing some form of loss. After the healing I’ve done I’ve opted to share instead. To allow for others to choose to be there for me if they want to be...
22 comments posted: Wednesday, April 7th, 2021
Happy birthday DS!
That is all 🥳
10 comments posted: Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021
Words you can’t pronounce!
Worcestershire sauce. Yes, my phone had to help me even spell that! I can never say it! I’m sure I’m not alone. I just heard someone say it right now with ease and was like wow...you said that word.
What’s a word you can’t pronounce?
26 comments posted: Saturday, March 20th, 2021
How do you manage yours in a healthy way? Trying to learn 😣
13 comments posted: Saturday, March 6th, 2021
Happy birthday to me!
12 comments posted: Wednesday, April 8th, 2020