How to deal with a possible 2nd affair
I discovered my husband's affair 7 years ago and we really have been limbo ever since. I haven't let my guard down and really don't really have high hopes of reconciling. It feels like a lot of damage has been done and not a lot of repair has been made. He still lies - just a few months ago I caught him lying about a credit card. If anything, our marriage feels to me more like an arrangement, but when I say this to him it hurts him to hear. He claims he wants a real marriage with me, but it just feels like he wants this without putting in the work, which leave me not wanting to try.
Call it a woman's intuition or PTSD, but it feels like the work hours are getting slightly longer especially when it should be slow. This could very possibly in my head. What is not in my head is a $27 charge for Chinese food where he took 8 hours to go Christmas shopping only returning with 2 things I sent him to get. Something to note is that Chinese food would never be his first choice and after looking at the menu, $27 is the perfect amount of money if 2 people were ordering.
Other thing I noticed is that he groomed down there - something he rarely does. Could have been coincidental because he had the extra time, but I am noticing because I am in hyper aware mode.
In terms of his overall attitude it feels like he wants to make me the bad guy. "You don't care about me because you didn't ask me about how my tooth was feeling" (it had been days I forgot about it and thing it was better). "You want to blame everything on me". "Now that you quit drinking its apparent you don't like me at all anymore" Is this his justification for being sneaky and possibly having a new affair??
I don't know how to confront him. Its not like I didn't think this day would never come again. I just feel stupid for allowing myself to stay in a vulnerable situation knowing what he is capable of. I couldn't leave if I wanted to, but I don't want to stay knowing he is out there sneaking around with someone else, when I am stuck at home with the kids.
14 comments posted: Friday, January 16th, 2026
Why don't they fight for you, after they betray you?
It's been 6 years since I found out about my husband's long term affair and I'm still here, but I don't know why. The long term affair should have been the first clue to leave, but I digress.
During the time I was waiting for him to step up and do the work to fix things, and he didn't, I slowly got over the affair, but also him too. I would have done the work on our marriage if he put in a little effort, but he would rather just sweep it under the rug and be in this new dynamic, and relationship that looks nothing like our old one.
Do I go on one final crusade and set up the couples therapy are try and rekindle what we had or do I even waste any more of my time on someone who wouldn't even fight for me?
9 comments posted: Thursday, October 23rd, 2025
WS content Status Quo
DDay was March 2019 and I have healed so much since then, but I feel like I did all the healing and work on my own. It doesn’t feel like the Affair was ever properly dealt with as a couple or solo for my husband.
This whole time I’ve been so ambivalent about reconciliation. I think I’ve been waiting for him to fight for me and our marriage before I would really start fighting too. It just never happened. Sometimes I feel like he left me to heal from the affair alone when we should have been doing it together and I began to get over the relationship as I was getting over the affair.
I’ve forgiven him and chose to no longer give so much energy to the A and instead have been trying to to focus on myself. We are more like roommates and coparents and I don’t feel like I am his wife, but I don’t try to be. I don’t understand this relationship anymore. It feels awkward and like I don’t know how I should act. We don’t say I love you or call each other pet names anymore. He doesn’t even really pursue me at all.
The thing is that anytime I bring up us not being together in the future he gets so angry at me. It feels so confusing because his actions have been telling me he just doesn’t care about me or our relationship.
He’s ok with this new dynamic and with keeping things status quo.
Has anyone gone through this? Am I part of the issue by not committing to reconciliation without feeling he’s giving the proper effort first?
11 comments posted: Tuesday, July 25th, 2023
Would you date someone who cheated in their last marriage
Just curious...Would you date someone who cheated in their last marriage?
58 comments posted: Sunday, March 8th, 2020
