Newest Member: Rony


Me: WH (Multiple OEA/PA, culminating in 4 month EA/PA. D-Day 20 Oct 2018 41 y/o)Married 14 years Her: BS 37 y/o at D-Day13 y/o son, 10 y/o daughter6 months HB, broken NC, TT Divorced

Beautiful evening

DD asked if we could go for a drive tonight.

Took the kids out into the hills, silent and a beautiful moon overhead. So grateful to have them, and was briefly seized with a terror-

I don’t ever want them to feel the pain their Mother suffers.

I know I’m so lucky to have them and know that they feel their father’s love. And I know I can’t shield them from the world.

And I can’t believe the grace FIL and MIL continue to afford me.

Grateful. Sad our lessons are so hard-learned.

6 comments posted: Saturday, January 30th, 2021

Great read

Approved Link

Fixed vs growth mindsets. This is a little bit dated but it was just sent my way and is really relevant. Especially this statement:

“To Dweck’s devastation, the most toxic byproduct of the fixed mindset turned out to be dishonesty”

A great perspective on how we view and respond to the challenge of “failure.” This on the heels of “Rising Strong” where Brene Brown points out that we have such a broad spectrum of failures to face:

Compare minor revisions on a document for work to restructuring your life while adapting to the knowledge that your actions drastically and painfully altered that structure for other people. (Yup, even in the two I tip my hand on the challenge of labeling)

How have folks here adapted to understanding, responding to, and recovering from the shame of failure?

6 comments posted: Friday, January 1st, 2021

The journey

Am lucky enough to be in Alaska for a few weeks. Walking to work in the snow the other morning brought me to one of my favorite poems, one that I haven’t revisited since betraying my family. Was a perfect reminder of the beauty of this journey, no matter how cold.

“Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound's the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.”

11 comments posted: Friday, October 16th, 2020

Time away

The journey continues:

Have been on a 5 week work trip away from home. It bears a LOT of similarity to the time when the A started 4 years ago. I have been prepared better thanks to sober fellowship and a plan for dealing with anxiety and isolation.

Things that have occurred

- Work has only slight similarities right now, but I found myself wishing for a LESS FAVORABLE outcome today than ideal just to prove a peer right, and another one wrong. It was the kind of scenario I found myself in frequently at start of A, and it’s an interesting parallel to see how eager I was to have a personal “win” at expense of a far broader “win...” Wayward mentality that I really didn’t recognize in this sphere, as such...

- Most jarring, interesting... Have had a couple dreams in the past week involving R.

***First night, the dream had what’s best described as a “pharmaceutical ad” vibe, everything was sunny and joyful. In the dream we acknowledged that it took us a long time to reach this point and hard work continued, but we were both all in, and this was “a step in the right direction for us.”***

***Next night, the dream was drastically different. An overwhelming sense of dread and weight. I don’t remember conversation within this dream, but I remember the look of defeat and resignation from BW, and it permeated everything in that atmosphere.***

This series of dreams continues to refine how I view the future. Most importantly it continues to highlight the distinctions between what R could be for either of us. Bottom line, I continue to relearn that R is not good for her. And my mind appears to be helping reiterate that now.

4 comments posted: Tuesday, October 13th, 2020

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