Newest Member: KMS60087

landclark

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through August
One child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5

First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.

Increased anxiety with age?

I am in my late 40s so likely getting closed to menopause age. I have noticed recently that late in my cycle, my level of anxiety and worry goes insane. Like I spiral, bad. Have any other older women experienced this? I will talk to my doctor for sure, but it brings me down hard. I’m sitting in the car now waiting on my son, and just want to cry, stressing about anything I might have said wrong yesterday, getting upset over stupid stuff, etc., and honestly nothing happened to trigger any of it. It’s not really normal for me and not specific to infidelity, but of course that gets pulled in and I go down a rabbit hole.

My mom passed several years ago, so not sure if she went through something similar, and my sisters are younger. I guess I could ask older women in my husbands family.

I feel like I’m going crazy. Luckily it’s only a couple of days a month, but good freaking lord…….

7 comments posted: Friday, January 14th, 2022

Had a dream that I was cheating

Had a dream last night that was I was cheating on a very sweet and trusting man. I've had a lot of dreams about my WH cheating, some pretty brutal ones, but this one is more bothersome for some reason. Why is that? It also left me with this feeling of somebody loving me in a way my WH never did.

Monday's suck...........

6 comments posted: Monday, August 23rd, 2021

Shame and embarrassment

Since this latest revelation (continued inappropriate relationship with lots of flirting, attention seeking, and including at least one monetary gift) I’ve started to feel shame and embarrassment. Well mostly embarrassment i guess. This last woman is one we both have known since 2007. She knows of his cheating. Told me previously she had been cheated on and would never do that to anybody (apparently in her mind seeking his attention and letting him flirt was ok though??). I knew her husband (he passed in 2011) and adored him. I raised money for her after he passed.

It’s just embarrassing for it to be so close to home this time. Her and I still work at the same company but luckily I never need to see her. (WH is with a different company now, we all used to work together though) The other women (except the cousin) were people I didn’t know so easier to disconnect, I guess? This woman could actually tell people I work with (though I doubt she would) and she saw me posting pictures of my life while interacting with my WH.

I feel like such a joke. Two years ago I reached out to her to see if anything had ever happened with them. We were friends on Facebook so she saw family photos and such, even liked them. I doubt it really happened, but I picture her laughing or rolling her eyes whenever I posted, thinking “yeah, he really wants me though. Just gave me money yesterday.”

What an absolute mind fuck this one is.

To be clear it’s not that I think she’s better or anything like that. It’s just really embarrassing when it’s closer to home. Somebody I actually know. I didn’t feel embarrassed before, or at least not like this, so this is new for me.

Last day of vacation today and back to reality tomorrow. I plan to consult with a lawyer to see where things may stand and to get an actual plan. Naturally faltering on D though. Sucks when it’s really not what I want but feeling like I’m left with no choice.

Anyway, thanks as always for everybody’s support. So glad I at least have this place.

Oh, and I have a sunburn. Good times.

48 comments posted: Friday, July 30th, 2021

Still cheating. Wtaf?!?

Well, found out tonight that since he got his new job in January, he has been flirting regularly with an ex coworker. A woman I’ve known was trouble since day one. I don’t believe that anything physical has happened, but wtf. I don’t get it. I really don’t get it. Two years of false R. The minute he got some freedom, right back at it. Of course on the eve of our annual vacation with his entire family.

So I guess I’m now getting a divorce. I can’t even feel sad right now. Maybe I’m in shock? I really just don’t get it. Just yesterday he told me he wasn’t cheating, but he emailed her as recently as Tuesday with some stupid nickname he has for her, and said he dreamed about her. Two days before he told me he wasn’t cheating!!!

I really am just in awe that somebody could be so fucking terrible. Like I don’t get it at all. Lying to my face for 14 years.

Ugh. So this will be fun. Need to learn how to use the lawnmower I guess.

48 comments posted: Friday, July 23rd, 2021

Of course he went off to work

So my WH arranged somebody to come paint our stairway today. Somebody neither of us have ever met in person before today, just received a recommendation from somebody. My WH knew I wasn't crazy about the idea of being alone with somebody I've never met, and having somebody here while I am working, and I stupidly said it was fine.

Why did I say it was fine? It's not really fine. I feel like things don't entirely register for me lately because I am so crazy busy at work. But why, why do I say it's fine when it's not fine? Does anybody else do this? I'm so irritated with myself.

I am also annoyed that he just went off to work when the painter got here. A guy who could honestly be any sort of person. But really, it's my own fault. Still, I can't help but feel like he should just know that for safety reasons, it's not ok. I guess if I were single I would have to deal with this stuff on my own anyway (though I would more than likely just paint it myself).

Anyway, no point really. Just annoyed.

4 comments posted: Wednesday, July 7th, 2021

Dealing with relatives who are affair sympathizers

My WH’s sister is a serial cheater. She has cheated in every relationship. I didn’t know this until two summers ago. She is the only person in my husband’s side that knows what he did, and I even talked to her about it. She never outright condemned his actions and has always taken the “whatever makes him happy” route. So not really saying it’s ok to cheat, but saying if cheating makes him happy or even leaving me, that’s ok. Whatever is best for him.

His family is full of people who avoid conflict, and being a cheater herself, I’m sure she can see his side of things and probably even believes I did something wrong.

The thing is though as more time goes on, I want nothing to do with her. Like nothing. Don’t want to talk to her, see her, nothing. I can’t avoid her forever though. She recently moved and my WH wants to visit. I can’t do it. She recently became re-engaged to her first husband (who she cheated on and left), and it makes me grumpy. Makes me wonder if his ex wife was right to accuse them of being more than friends. They jumped back to each other really quickly after his separation.

So how do you deal with somebody that you can’t avoid, but also want nothing to do with?

My WH completely understands my feelings, so that’s good, at least. I told him he is welcome to go visit anytime, and even take our son. But then I feel like if I don’t go, that helps to perpetuate that I’m somehow the awful one.

Ugh. This sucks.

10 comments posted: Sunday, July 4th, 2021

Weddings schemddings

Anybody else hate weddings and see them as a painful reminder of how your partner completely disregarded their vows and crushed your marriage into smithereens? No? Just me?

I swear if he looks at me lovingly today during the vows, or squeezes my hand, I’m going to take him out. Any good lawyers here?

Ok, that’s me today. Carry on.

11 comments posted: Saturday, June 19th, 2021

He actually went to the doctor!

Sorry if this is TMI. Just a quick recap, before DDAY I was very much in a dead bedroom situation caused by him for a long time (I didn't cheat though because it's not an excuse to cheat). He claimed ED for years and never would get help for it. Would say it was embarrassing, etc. In reality (now that I know about the cheating) I think it was a combination of ED, pleasuring himself to porn/cam girls/online sex which desensitized him to the real thing, feeling satisfied enough with that, etc.

Anyway, I asked for years for him to please talk to somebody, and he refused. After DDAY he found a supplement that helped, but that recently stopped working as well. I am admittedly after years of dealing with a dead bedroom very very sensitive to the whole thing which I am sure doesn't help matters. I finally told him that I wasn't going to settle for a dead bedroom again, that he needed to talk to somebody. Well, he finally did today!

I know it may seem like a silly thing but at least it's something. Clearly it doesn't fix anything and there's still enough concerning stuff to still be concerned, but nice that he finally did something about this at least. We will see what happens when the bloodwork comes back.

They say it takes 2-5 years to heal. Does it also take 2-5 years for some waywards to get their heads out of their butts?

12 comments posted: Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

iPhone screen time and battery usage

This may already have a post, but just in case.

I recently discovered the iPhone screen time feature. When turned on, it shows your most used apps and even shows the websites you’ve visited and the time spent on them, for the last day and the last week. As far as I can tell, there’s no way to delete the information (to hide certain websites). Not sure if it will still show if they’re using private browsing. I guess I’ll need to check that out.

Battery usage on the iPhone also shows the apps they’ve spent the most time on.

Just sharing what seems to be a good, free way to check in on what they’re doing on their phone. Wish I had known about this before I busted my WH!

3 comments posted: Saturday, October 26th, 2019

Best way to find an email address?

Any tips on how to best find a current, active email address for somebody? The ones I’ve found seem to be old services that are no longer around. Thanks in advance!

1 comment posted: Monday, July 15th, 2019

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