Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through August
One child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5
First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.
Work advice needed
I asked my WH his opinion and he says change nothing, but sometimes he lacks in the empathy department.
I have a close coworker who is struggling. There was an issue that really drove down her confidence level and it’s affecting her ability to put herself out there. She has talked to me several times and I absolutely have no issue listening, trying to help and being a sympathetic ear. I truly do empathize with her and she truly is an awesome worker who is very smart and has great ideas, and executes things really well. I have been there in the past though (had a terrible boss who often made me feel less than). Ultimately though she really needs to do something for herself instead of staying in this unhealthy state. She is super busy which I know doesn’t help.
I am also busy at work, but don’t have the same internal struggle as her. I’m confident in what I bring to the table and don’t see everything as a need to prove myself. I often have random thoughts or recognize needs, and am not one to wait on others if it’s something I can do myself (i also don’t steal other peoples ideas though, I act on my own ideas and ones that the groups I support bring to me). I also find myself involved in a lot of stuff because I often ask not necessarily for more to do, but different things to do. I don’t do it for the spotlight or because I’m not busy, I do it because otherwise I would just push emails around all day, and that’s boring AF and not something I find particularly challenging (other than sheer volume of emails). I also think people just generally like working with me. I work hard to build relationships and such at work because ultimately I think it helps everybody to all be on one side. I say all that to say we are just very different people. I’m not better, just different.
Now it’s to the point though where I’m subtly being accused of doing it for the glory and like our mutual supervisor is favoring me. This has come up before as well. The reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Fellow introverts understand, I despise the spotlight. I do however enjoy providing tools that I know are useful and help others succeed and don’t feel like not doing that is the right response. My definition of success is helping others succeed. Now though I’m feeling like I can’t even share tools I’ve created within our group because then I’ll be accused of something nefarious. If I don’t share though, I will get crap because then I’m making everybody do the same work and that’s just not ok (has happened to me several times). So I feel like I can’t win and it’s really bothering me. I don’t want to seem unsympathetic, but at the same time I feel like it’s putting this pressure on me to be less me because somebody else is less them, if that makes sense.
Not sure if any of this makes sense. Ideally she’d get her confidence level back and this would all be a non issue, but that just doesn’t seem to be happening. Any thoughts or advice on how to handle?
4 comments posted: Sunday, February 6th, 2022
Increased anxiety with age?
I am in my late 40s so likely getting closed to menopause age. I have noticed recently that late in my cycle, my level of anxiety and worry goes insane. Like I spiral, bad. Have any other older women experienced this? I will talk to my doctor for sure, but it brings me down hard. I’m sitting in the car now waiting on my son, and just want to cry, stressing about anything I might have said wrong yesterday, getting upset over stupid stuff, etc., and honestly nothing happened to trigger any of it. It’s not really normal for me and not specific to infidelity, but of course that gets pulled in and I go down a rabbit hole.
My mom passed several years ago, so not sure if she went through something similar, and my sisters are younger. I guess I could ask older women in my husbands family.
I feel like I’m going crazy. Luckily it’s only a couple of days a month, but good freaking lord…….
7 comments posted: Friday, January 14th, 2022
iPhone screen time and battery usage
This may already have a post, but just in case.
I recently discovered the iPhone screen time feature. When turned on, it shows your most used apps and even shows the websites you’ve visited and the time spent on them, for the last day and the last week. As far as I can tell, there’s no way to delete the information (to hide certain websites). Not sure if it will still show if they’re using private browsing. I guess I’ll need to check that out.
Battery usage on the iPhone also shows the apps they’ve spent the most time on.
Just sharing what seems to be a good, free way to check in on what they’re doing on their phone. Wish I had known about this before I busted my WH!
3 comments posted: Saturday, October 26th, 2019
Best way to find an email address?
Any tips on how to best find a current, active email address for somebody? The ones I’ve found seem to be old services that are no longer around. Thanks in advance!
1 comment posted: Monday, July 15th, 2019