Newest Member: HoardMouse


Me(BW): 40WH: 40 Married 7 years, together 20.
Dday 2/22/19 Reconciling

Make this never have happened

I feel I'm in a new, slightly weird stage of grieving about my WH's infidelity at the moment.

I am just over two years out from Dday and I feel like I'm doing pretty darn good. I'm not 100% better but I'm much, much better than two years ago, one year ago, even three months ago.

And I do try to remind myself of that because when something hits me sideways and the pain comes back it feels momentarily like it's never going to end. So reminding myself how much better I'm feeling helps (I think).

For the past month or so I've been having this reaction where I'll acknowledge that I feel better or think about something good that has come out of this situation (e.g I'm a much stronger person, I give less sh!%$ about things that really aren't that important, WH and I communicate much better, etc.). NOTHING that makes the pain worth it, but small positives none-the-less. Suddenly this immense and overwhelming sadness will hit me - this feeling that I would give anything to have this never have happened.

I think these feelings are at least partly triggered by my "positive" thoughts but I'm not sure about that and I don't think that's the only thing causing these emotions. It also feels like it's not really about the pain I'm feeling from infidelity at that exact moment in time but just the general hell that the past two years have been.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? Advice? Thoughts?

10 comments posted: Friday, March 12th, 2021

Your Resonant Self

I just finished reading Your Resonant Self by Sarah Peyton and wanted to recommend it.

I learned about this book when the author was interviewed in one of the podcasts I listen to (Therapists Uncensored). It sounded interesting and the podcast host raved about it so I picked it up from the library.

In a nutshell..... This book focuses on turning your inner voice from critical and cruel to warm and supportive. It includes various techniques for doing this including meditation exercises.

Much of the book is spent exploring how trauma and early / childhood attachment issues affect the brain and how this can be healed. I've read several books that discuss how the brain works over the years and Peyton explains things the most clearly and simply of all of the books I've read.

This book does not deal with infidelity but does focus on trauma, anxiety, anger, shame, and depression. Issues which a lot of us on this site (BS and WS) deal with.

A disclaimer here that I am nearly two years out from dday. This is not the first book one should read after dday but I think it would be helpful for anyone who is a few months (or more) into trying to heal - BS or WS. I highly recommend it!

0 comment posted: Saturday, January 16th, 2021

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