Starting a new relationship. But feelings popping up.
I divorced 2 years ago I think. We were together 8 before the divorce, so I've known her for about 10 years.
I spent some time NC, but had to discuss money and slowly decided I wanted to figure out what went wrong.
In those 2 years, we've remained good friends. I've kept my distance, because I want to experience something new.
I would say we went through an "R" of sorts. I saw real remorse. And she's understood from the start that my intentions are not to just get back together. So I don't feel anywhere in my heart that it's a false or manipulative remorse.
In my mind, we're really good friends. She's a good person at heart, but she has her own issues. I have mine. And these issues seem to feed off each other.
I'll amend that. I see her as family still. But I don't know how. I wonder if part of me still sees her as my wife? Part of me does think I could still have a life with her, and it would end up being a happy one, even though it would take some work.
2 years ago I would have said R is impossible. Now, I can see it as a possibility.
These feelings very suddenly popped up. The new relationship I'm starting is very exciting for me. It feels very natural. We feel very compatible in many ways.
It's actually moving really fast, and both of us noticed that. But it's also hard not to think about the future together. I'm really happy right now.
But very suddenly I started panicking a little thinking about having to cut my ex out of my life. Once our friendship resumed, I never imagined her out of my life, even though I've kept my distance. I enjoy visiting her occasionally,.seeing my old "family" and her kid.
The person I'm dating was cheated on by her husband with his girlfriend. He was actually with this GF before they married, so that really screwed with her. So I can tell she's uncomfortable with my relationship with my ex.
I feel weird. I think most people in my shoes wouldn't even be friends with their ex. But I suddenly realized Im very worried about having to make a choice.
I was holding the girl I'm dating while napping when suddenly I dreamt of a very bad situation that happened to my ex, and I woke up panicked and worried she was hurt.
Are these feelings normal? Basically, my ex was my world for the last decade. I don't have any family or friends here. The thought of having to say goodbye and hurt her, is really tearing me up.
I know I'm going to be met with some hopium responses, or that I don't own her anything. I know that. But I still feel this way. Excluding her big F up and several other issues, she's been there for me for so long.
25 comments posted: Tuesday, August 17th, 2021
So uh, what happened to the shmoopie videos?
And are they up anywhere else?
I don't know why I suddenly thought of them but wanted to revisit those videos and poof. Apparently that account has been deleted or terminated.
4 comments posted: Wednesday, May 12th, 2021
When loving someone hurts, you're loving too much.
I'm really struggling with being alone.
It's a cycle of two scenarios:
1. A new attractive person enters my life one way or another. I want to try, but convince myself not to. And that eats away at me.
2. I invest energy into someone that invests nothing/little back and become frustrated and unhappy. I feel somewhat strung along. When I see what's happening I want to just walk away but can't.
Someone mentioned love bombing as a red flag. I think I sort of do that, but it's because I fall hard and fast. I'm enthusiastic, it's how I think. I just want to set myself apart from the avg guy while finding creative ways to make someone smile.
So... I don't know how to go slow.
It's just... sad. Hard. I don't know how to detach. I need... someone. I need to feel some love and warmth in my life.
Going back and forth between 1 and 2 is just eating away at me. My friends and coworkers compliment me. My best friend thinks I'm amazing simply because I'd capable of seeing someone else's child as one of my own.
And yet, nobody I'm interested in even returns those feelings. It's like some sick joke everyone else is in on.
I'm staying away from alcohol, but SD thoughts keep finding their way in. Im not going to do anything. Writing this is also a way to help me relieve some of that urge. But I'm definitely feeling very tired with everything emotionally.
[This message edited by Ganondorf at 12:56 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
8 comments posted: Thursday, October 17th, 2019