Newest Member: 30yearsofheartache


Me BS 56 Husband WS 47
Married 22 years
together for 23
Married 19 years on dday October 7, 2019. Currently reconciling

WH’s AP was arrested and fired from her job

Just noting I am terrified to post this because AP is a social media stalker,

But I need some feedback from The SI community.

We are 3+ years out from dday. WH had a 6 month EA and PA with the co worker that he hired and trained. WH found another job to get away from AP but eventually resumed the affair. WH confessed to EA on dday. (Insert eye roll here). I kicked him out of the house that day and fell apart. WH continued to see AP because as he said "no one wanted anything to do with him after what he had done". All he had in his life was AP. And she liked it that way. It didn’t take long for WH’s affair fog to lift. In the end he said he would rather be with no one than be with someone like AP or who he was during his affair. We began talking and agreed to attempt reconciliation. We have done IC and CC. For us it helped a lot.

I have held my WH responsible for his part in the affair. He and I both have worked very hard to get to where we are today.

As the title of the post says AP was arrested 2 weeks ago for stealing and fired from her job 7 days later. She is here on a student Visa. I don’t know what this means for her. I am hoping she gets deported but I don’t know what the rules are. My entire family has been watched and followed by this person. During their affair AP would mention things about my family to my WH that she would have no other way to know about. She has driven past my home and parked for hrs to make sure my WH didn’t return home and talk to me during our short separation after dday. She joined the church my daughter goes to and infiltrated in as many ways as she possibly could.

WH was pressured by his boss to hire "somebody"and then tasked with training this person to do the job. The same job she lied to get. The same job her references couldn’t be verified for. Admittedly he says he should’ve gone to his boss and had her removed from his team but in his own words he "was a dumbass with a terrible moral compass back then". I agree!

Please don’t think I am not holding WH accountable. I promise I am. He is doing everything right to fix everything he did wrong. Our marriage is very different now than it was before and during his affair. WH’s IC told him during their first session that he is emotionally immature. Well yeah I agree with that too! So sorry I wrote a book here. If you stuck with me to the end, thank you!

13 comments posted: Thursday, January 19th, 2023

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