Newest Member: Unsureofhope

Marlita

I keep finding out more….

It’s been 4+ years since dday!
It had been happening since before we married in 2013…I discovered and he admitted it 2018.
I asked him everything….he answered me….but have discovered more!
He said it was just sex…that was a big blow in itself.
I specifically asked him details….to which he answered, I reluctantly believed him.
It wasn’t just sex….
It was him taking her out to dinner, the movies…and the killer?????? Hotels….repeatedly!
It’s like everything is happening all over again!
I’m drowning in pain here and feel completely trapped!!!!
He’s the breadwinner…..
I am stuck here!
It’s a roller coaster and I want to get off!
I’m in total turmoil and feel like a complete fool.
Can anyone else relate?????

22 comments posted: Tuesday, November 1st, 2022

How can I stop being consumed?

It’s been over 4 years since D day!
I can’t get over it and find myself over obsessing about it!
I continue to dig incessantly!
It never ends well, but it’s like a train wreck to me!
Not only am I still devastated from the initial blow, I continue to dig!
I’m my own worst enemy and feel like I can’t be talked off the ledge!
I’ve not only discovered that if I subliminally try to make progress, I keep digging!
When everything went down initially, I asked a million questions, to which he told me "everything"!
I feel like a complete fool and my instinctual feelings led me to dig…..
It’s like self inflicting pain.
After I grilled him and felt like he told me everything, there was something that made me feel like there was more.
For example, he told me that he just went to her place just to "be pleased".
I specifically asked him if he ever took her out and he vehemently said no!
Something inside me wasn’t settled about this & I let it lay until yesterday, for some reason.
So I checked out old bank statements and discovered that he’d taken her to the movies, dinners and multiple stays at hotel rooms!
It was like I just found out all over again!
I completely flipped out and was physically shaking when I saw it in black and white!
Of course I confronted him and he said he was afraid to tell me about this because he knew I would lose it!
He, of course turned it around on me and asked why I was digging!!
It’s like I’m compulsive in finding out more….
Why am I like this? It does me no good and has totally re-destroyed me!
To back up, he’s told me that he’s totally open with me and has nothing to hide…until I confronted him about my new findings!
It turned into another huge shit show…i.e, me re-living this nightmare and completely crumbling!
Back to square one…and I have regressed into a complete mess!
It physically hurts my heart, body and soul!
On the fence about re-starting therapy, as we’ve moved over 1000 miles away when this was originally discovered and I went to therapy before we moved.
Seriously considering flying back to my original therapist, whom I adored, and making an appointment, on his dime….
I want to use all the "dimes" he spent on her to spend back on me to get my head back on straight by flying back and forth for appointments.
Thoughts?

20 comments posted: Sunday, August 21st, 2022

Today is 4 years since the “day”!

I’ll never forget this day, ever!
It changed my entire EVERYTHING!
Our "anniversary" is 7/6/2013, but since I discovered his other life, NOTHING has been celebrated.
To sum it up….
Met online 2008.
Married 2013.
I have 2 kids from previous marriage.
He and I dated for a year before I introduced him to them.
He lived 4 hours from me.
Visited me often.
Bought a house together, married, got dogs, had family picnics, etc.
Seemed to be the "perfect" relationship.
Discovered on this very day, 4 years ago, that he had been with someone else, years before me!
I can’t even explain the feelings of finding out!
Couldn’t possibly tell my kids, because they looked up to him so much.
Couldn’t possibly tell my family, for many reasons…
Still married, as a convenience, but more so, to protect my side of the family.
Pretty much summarizing today, as the "day".
Not looking for advice, but support!

8 comments posted: Saturday, June 25th, 2022

Today is 4 years since the “day”! (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Saturday, June 25th, 2022

Still in the Just Found Out Stage…after almost 4 years!

6/24/18 was dday.
Not a day/minute/second has gone by without thoughts of my betrayal, since i found out!
Still married, my choice…for many reasons.
As of current, everything else is good in my life except my marriage!
Am I the only one in this position?
I can’t look at him the same, for one second!
He’s trying, but the damage is soooo deep, that there is no coming back from this, to me.
I’m too old to throw this "institution" away.
We’re merely ships passing in the wind.
I don’t feel sorry for myself, but I am beyond angry at him still!
There’s no amount of therapy can sway my feelings…I’ve already come to terms with this.
I have not only mourned the death of who I thought I married, but as a result I’ve become completely independent from him.
It’s certainly NOT what I signed up for, but it is what it is.
Funny, he made mention to me as to why I don’t cook for him anymore…(he’s mentioned this more than once).
It spears my heart every time he says it and I recently said…"You made that choice! Not me."
It kicked him back a little, but I had to say it.
As I no longer do fraction of what I did for him before.
HE made this choice and I don’t feel bad one bit.

Can anyone else relate?

See my profile for details.

I’m open for any discussion

-checked out

27 comments posted: Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

Odd question from cheating husband…

So, my husband, whom I am still married to, who previously lived two different lives, and who still may be…said this to me…
"So, Bob, asked if you were working next Saturday, and if you were, he wanted to me to go out with him."
Side note, I know Bob. And my husband recently referred to him as a "dog".
My husband played dumb…. And said "that’s weird.
I replied…"well clearly he doesn’t want me to join, so maybe he just wants to go out with you."
I honestly don’t care…
I feel like he wants me to keep encouraging him.
Thoughts?

8 comments posted: Monday, November 15th, 2021

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