Me: BS Late 20s
Her: WS Late 20s. EA/PA
Married - 7 years
DDay - 6/21/2019
Separated - 05/19/2019
Filed for D - 6/24/2019
11/19 - DIVORCED
Just feeling low.
I'm not sure where to post this.
I'm two and a half years post DDay. Almost to two years post divorce.
Alimony payments to her end in April 2022.
Feel free to read my other posts for the full story but basics are wife cheated and left for a poly/BDSM lifestyle with her AP. This is a girl I've known since we were 12 that never showed indications of such behavior and in fact shamed others for it in the past.
Even though I've dated a good bit I still find myself feeling undesirable and pathetic. I have no desire to pursue frivolous relationships centered solely around sex. I crave some kind of actual connection. To feel like someone actually gives a shit about me.
I have a good job as a clinical laboratory scientist, I make friends fairly easily, I even get approached in bars sometimes, but it never seems to go anywhere.
I feel like I don't understand the dating games people end up playing.
I feel like the decent women are either taken or aren't interested.
I feel like this pathetic loser on the path to just being the sad divorced guy. I'm already kinda on that path it seems from having people awkwardly try to sell dating me to girls sometimes.
I'm trying to regain my self respect and like myself again by chasing after some lifelong dreams (studying in Europe for my master's in the next few years hopefully) but that sometimes makes me wonder if I won't still just be a pathetic sad divorced guy but then be in Europe instead of the states.
I've done therapy on and off but it never really seems to help.
I'm beginning to become jaded that anyone will ever actually love me, and that I'll just be a partner of convenience due to the stability my career can provide.
I mean if someone I'd known since middle school could betray me so utterly, how can I ever believe someone who is a stranger to me now will actually really value me?
4 comments posted: Wednesday, October 20th, 2021