Newest Member: old914

DanielJK

BH 51
STBXWW 53
2 daughters, 14 and 16
Filed for divorce 12/23/2020

After a year of hell I finally moved out (5/26/2021).
Divorce still pending.

Finally grey rock

I am close to divorce.

I've been tortured for about a year. Lied to, deceived, and manipulated the entire 12 month period.

I did the pick me dance for almost the entire time.

I've been emotionally abused.

I'm a shell of my former self. I'm 40 pounds lighter than I was a year ago.

I went pain shopping this week and found out my STBXWW never stopped communicating with AP the entire time. This includes time spent in marriage counseling.

I have finally gone grey rock.

STBXWW now claims that I'm the bad guy because of the hostile environment I've created by going grey rock. It is absolutely maddening. I've also heard her apologize to other people for the toxic environment that I created...get it? The toxic environment that I created. I was stabbed in the back in the worst possible way and me trying to pull the knife out and spraying blood everywhere is the real problem.

To add insult to injury...when I was pain shopping I saw that my STBXWW told one of her friends that I told STBXWW "I will destroy you." I NEVER said that and never will. It's like saying "do you know who I am?" I just would never say something like that. I'm the type of person who sees things very black and white legally. If anything I would have said "I'm taking everything I am entitled to under CT's divorce laws." Very simple and true. But "i will destroy you?" C'mon man!

She continues to play the victim. It's driving me crazy...I'm going to lose it.

Good news is final divorce date looks like May 18th and closing on the new house is May 27. 13 months later I will finally be out of infidelity.

(Pain shopping = I looked at her phone).

259 comments posted: Wednesday, May 5th, 2021

Do I tell the kids

My original post is below (closed now, so I started here again).

My STBXWW has told me many times she has no one waiting in the wings. And I believed her. I thought she was done with AP. We were moving to divorce nonetheless.

I know she was at APs house today.

I know we were moving towards divorce but it still hurts.

I went scorched earth today. The kids and the in-laws now know everything.

God help me.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=649994

[This message edited by DanielJK at 2:30 PM, April 16th (Friday)]

123 comments posted: Friday, April 16th, 2021

I'm going to lose it

So when my divorce began I told my STBXWW that if we do the required 50/50 split of assets, I can't afford to keep the house (State of CT requires 5050). She was agreeable to something less so I could keep the house and the kids would be better off...but...then she spoke to her attorney. Now she wants 50% of everything.

I told her we have to sell the house. She says I'm being vindictive. She looks out for her own best interest and it's "you go girl." I look out for my best interests and I'm the bad guy.

She says it's not fair. She stabbed me in the back, then whines about what's fair. It's a little hard to take.

He brother and sister in law invited her to the outer banks later this month to "cheer her up." She cheated on me but she's the one who needs cheering up. The sick, twisted mind of a cheater.

Meanwhile I'm still living with her. There are no houses available in my town in our price range and they are going quick (we both will stay in town so the kids can finish high school). There are also no apartments available that will take a dog (I need to take my little buddy with me).

I've been living in hell for 11 months and there is no end in sight....I'm going to fucking lose it. I need some words of wisdom here. Please help me, I don't know how much more I can take.

To add insult to injury I was talking to my attorney on Friday. I told her I can't keep the house, STBXWW is not walking away with a fat check from me while I get stuck with a house that needs work. She (my attorney) said something about me wanting to "punish her." I sensed attitude and maybe a little anti male bias. When someone says to hire a "shark attorney" isn't that what they mean? Hire someone who is going to punish your opponent? WTF kind of comment is that to make? From someone who is supposed to be on my side.

I'm going to fucking lose it. I don't know how much more I can take.

[This message edited by DanielJK at 2:58 PM, April 4th (Sunday)]

65 comments posted: Sunday, April 4th, 2021

and so it begins

Today is my first court date in the process of divorce...wish me luck.

I don't expect much today. The CT family courts are so backed up that they require a "resolution plan" court date. That is what I have today. I think it is the CT court system's way of saying "you guys better come to an agreement on your own, or else we are going to be here for a loooonnng time."

Luckily I think we are on our way to an amicable agreement. So far property appraisals have returned in my favor. My STBXWW and her attorney suggested using Zillow for property values; our marital home, and a piece of property she has partial ownership in with her family. I said no, I want appraisals. The marital home came in under the Zillow estimate and her property came in above the Zillow estimate. Both to my benefit, karma is a bitch. (They wanted to use an average of online estimates, not just Zillow.)

I spoke with my attorney yesterday and opposing counsel in in agreement with terms that are favorable to me, so I don't expect this to take much longer. I honestly think a settlement agreement could have been presented today, but hey the attorneys have to make a few bucks, right? Quick settlement = less $.

I believe the appearance will be only a few minutes, essentially to say "we have basically reached an agreement on terms and will present it to the court for approval soon...no need for any dispute resolution via court appearances, no need to set a court date to resolve disputes."

This is not what I want..., but I also need to get out of infidelity. No more limbo. The beatings will not continue and moral will improve.

14 comments posted: Friday, March 26th, 2021

Side hustle

I'm looking for ideas on a post divorce second income.

I'll start looking for a part time job.

I'd love to be able to do something from home, like call center type stuff.

I work a regular 9-5 job and I make decent money, but I don't want to go back to living paycheck to paycheck.

Anyone have ideas?

11 comments posted: Sunday, February 21st, 2021

What did you find - a vent

I believe these types of threads are posted now and then. I hope you will indulge me.

I was thinking today about one of the text exchanges I found between my STBXWW and her AP.

I found one where my WW tells her AP to text her later but to "beware of potential surveillance." His reply "oh yeah, big brother could be watching."

I was devastated, heartbroken, my life and family were falling apart, and I was losing weight at an alarming rate...and my STBXWW and her AP were mocking me behind my back because I was watching my STBXWW's phone. That level of disrespect in inhumane.

Some might say looking at the phone shows codependency. But it's actually the BS seeking safety.

I am fired up because we had a meeting with a family counselor today and I told the counselor that my STBXWW had an affair and AP is her boyfriend. My STBXWW denied it.

SHE FUCKING DENIED IT!

She started seeing him in May, and I found explicit texts on 12/21 then filed for divorce on 12/23. She was seeing him for 8 months and is still in contact with him. But he's not her boyfriend. I am so angry right now.

I was acting like "big brother." Good God.

Anyone else got stories like this where you were mocked or disparaged by WS and AP?

70 comments posted: Tuesday, February 9th, 2021

Starting divorce

Welp...looks like I am over here now. Filed for divorce.

I'm having a hard time today. Just fought about bill paying.

I have to live with this cheating liar for who knows how long now.

Have any of you had to live with your abuser during the divorce process? How did you handle it?

I just want this to be over and her out of my life. It can't come quick enough, but I'm probably looking at April at best.

18 comments posted: Sunday, December 27th, 2020

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