Newest Member: davids3511


Healing and Reconciliation on two different schedules

I wrote about our situation in "Just Found Out" in September.

I have been asked to start again here.

We have a relationship that stretches back over 37 years.

A marriage that will hit 35 years this coming March.

This past September my wife confessed to extra marital PA back in the fall of 87 and the spring of 88.

I will try to post a clear time line of the affair.

I knew that there was turmoil in her heart only in 88, I thought that it was unrequited.

We healed and stayed together. Had and raised three children, now adults ages 30, 28, and 24.

My wife has been a devoted and loving partner since 88. She looks back at her situation then and uses sincerely words such as regret, remorse, sorry beyond sorry. It makes her sick and disgusted to think about the choices she made, the risks she took and the blindness she suffered from.

The recent confession hit me like a ton of bricks. In my mind this threat to "us" felt like a recent thing. I was angry, I was hurt, I had questions. I had an episode of self harm. I felt pain in my body from emotional overload. They say that the injured spouse goes on a roller coaster of emotion. I rode it.

Calmness has begun to come back into my life.

I am aware that I am always able to have an emotional setback.

More to come...

46 comments posted: Sunday, December 6th, 2020

Secret 33 years, confession recent

Where do I start?

My WS revealed her secret 5 weeks ago. Long ago sexual adventures with her boss at the time. Once at work, 3 times at his house in 87, twice more in 88.

She can remember the times when I was out of town, first time for them was during a trip to Oklahoma with my father.

The two in 88 were when I went to see Leon Redbone in Buffalo in May with friends and then in June when I went with friends to Boston to see a Red Sox game.

The other events at his house she does not remember clearly. I think it is because they involved lies to my face and she has had years to bury the details.

Amazing how an old event can cause intense fresh pain. I suspected nothing back then.

She swears she has been 100% mine since. We have three adult kids born 1990, 92, 96. Wonderful family years.

She has grown, matured. If those who have known her, short or long time, found out her WS story and status, they would be SHocked.

My pain is real. We are seeing a psychologist for help. How do I ease the pain?

325 comments posted: Wednesday, October 14th, 2020

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