Husband soliciting prostitutes again

I posted here originally in 2020 after my husband was found soliciting by my then minor son. He seemed remorseful and we started intense couples work that we continued for 4 years. Over the past 6 years he has been sexually coercive and emotionally abusive. He would pressure me for oral sex when he knows I have spine issues and would say if I could chew and eat food I should be able to give him oral sex. Ironically he said the first time he was soliciting was because he was not receiving enough oral sex.
He left a few months ago for a predetermined time apart and never returned. He has tried to reconcile a few times and I have gone no contact. We do not have children together. This year would have been 10 years together and was 8 years married. I found phone records where he was activating dating apps immediately after leaving and still trying to string me along. One night he had over 50 back and forth texts with over 15 prostitutes. This tells me this behavior is not new and that he is just escalating. There have been hundred of thousands of dollars that have gone through our accounts and we have nothing to show for it. I am not a big spender.
Has anyone been in this situation and was your attorney able to figure out what all had been going on? One of the paralegals at the firm said this happened to her sister and no one could believe what all they found. It made me feel like she was trying to prepare me for the worst.
Also, the women were in their early 20's and as a middle age woman I feel like an old hag. My friends, family, and therapist are telling me this is the trauma talking. I know intellectually this is his addiction but emotionally I feel like I am not enough.

0 comment posted: Sunday, May 24th, 2026

Separation/divorce

I last posted in 2020 after my husband was found soliciting prostitutes by my then minor son. We went to marriage counseling for 4 years and he was supposedly staying faithful. I started working with a therapist last year that identified narcissistic abuse. For years I had been trying to explain to him how he was hurting me with emotional abuse and sexual coercion and I came to realize he was not going to change. My health had really suffered from the constant stress.

We reached the point of separation and he asked if we could try again. I told him I needed a week break before I could consider it and he texted me how he was so thankful for the chance and was terrified of how close he came to losing me. He left and immediately turned off his location and activated Tinder (according to phone records) while still sending me texts with hearts. We stayed separated and in the weeks to follow I found evidence of solicitation on our phone records. I now believe he never stopped the solicitation and was living a double life the entire time.

I feel like I have been gutted and get through my work but that's all I have. To make matters harder, he is fighting me aggressively with the divorce. Even though we are where we are because of him. There are large amounts of money that have gone through our accounts and I have my attorney investigating. We don't have anything to show for all the money that is missing.

This is a living hell. I would love to hear if anyone has been here and if you have any advice.

1 comment posted: Sunday, May 24th, 2026