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6 comments posted: Thursday, August 4th, 2022

Why I don't do birthdays anymore.

2:48 PM
exWW: u alone?

me: y

exWW: i have something to tell u that will be devastating yet im sure not shocking after the last few months

me: k

exWW: i think i do need a trial separation or if that is too much for you to handle than a separation

i can't keep this in anymore
2:49 PM
me: ?

exWW: i have too much guilt over how much you love me and i don't feel the same

me: are u serious?
2:50 PM
exWW: yes - i had no idea how to tell u

i just can't keep doing this

me: u could n't have waiting for another day.

exWW: it would happen eventually no matter what
2:51 PM
i figure u will hate me no matter when i do it

me: U have to do what u have to do.

I came to the conclusion months ago, I couldn't do anything to fix this.

This was up to whether or not u wanted to stay.
2:52 PM
exWW: i think at this point im staying b/c it's what im expecting to do and that's not fair

i have no idea if i'll ever truly be happy, but u at least deserve to be

me: This isn't going to make me happy.
2:53 PM
exWW: in time u'll be better off

me: doubt it.

exWW: u really don't want to be married to someone who is there b/c

me: I still think you need to see someone, but I know you don't want to.
2:54 PM
exWW: i know

and i don't know that i won't regret this decision, but i can't keep doing this to you
2:55 PM
i really am very sorry and have kept trying to keep going b/c i love u as a person.

but it's not fair
7 minutes
3:03 PM
exWW: i will start looking for a place and get out when i can
3:06 PM
me: How many weeks are left in Bowling?

exWW: 2

i can see if tim can have david sub for me
3:07 PM
me: U can go. I 'll stay home.
3:08 PM
exWW: k
6 minutes
3:14 PM
me: so I guess I don't need to buy miami tickets now?
13 minutes
3:28 PM
exWW: i do want u to know that im freaking out now that i've told u and have no idea if im making the right decision
3:29 PM
me: I don't think u r, but I cann't make that decision for u.
3:31 PM
exWW: if i move out u are done, right? u have no interest in allowing me some space and see how things go, correct?
3:32 PM
me: I don't see the point. If u really wanted to stay, you wouldn't need to move out to find out.
3:33 PM
exWW: ok

This was an IM log between my ex and I from 12 years ago while I was at work. We had started bowling together with my MIL and a coworker of mine a year or two earlier and my WW and him became friends. exWW never really had long term friends. She would have a friend than fall out. Then on to a new friend. At the time I was her longest close friend she had. 🚩 Lots of FOO and narcissists in her family tree.🚩 I'd been after her for several years to get IC since her pattern with friends was pretty unhealthy. She was unwilling to do any work on herself.🚩 After talking about it that night, we actually stumbled on for eight months before she finally moved out. Ex and AP got married around a year or two after our D was final. I actually didn't remember this until a recent trigger made me look back. I found this conversation and other major red flags in the logs that I either totally missed at the time or had forgotten over the last decade +. I suffered a trigger last year that caused me to look back and reflect on it.

Realistically our marriage not surviving was my unanswered prayer of which Garth Brooks sings. The amount of effort it took to keep my exWW fulfilled was exhausting. I actually helped get her AP a raise a few years back. I've been married to my current wife for seven years. While this marriage, like all, takes work, it is refreshing to be in one with someone willing and able to share the load. Since I was raised that marriage was for life, my first marriage had me feeling like Sisyphus always pushing the boulder uphill.

4 comments posted: Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

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