My Wife is Cheating and I'm Glad

I've been lurking on this site for a month now and finally decided to post. Short story is that my wife and I have been married since 1994 and I found out about two months ago that she has been engaged in a physical affair with a friend of ours for about six months.

We are both in our mid to late forties, both in decent shape and we have a son who is grown and on his own. I will start off by saying that I have not been happy in my marriage for a good fifteen years or so. Around 2005 she had an affair with a coworker. I was devastated. I busted her, she did all the crying and hemming and hawing, promising never to cheat again. I kicked her out for a couple of months, and we went to a crappy counselor who basically blamed me for all her bad choices. Thinking I was at fault for it all, I sucked it up and we went on and basically buried the whole thing. She was relieved and seemed happy with me, but I kept my mouth shut and just lived with it because I thought that is what a man was supposed to do. Looking back that year was the year my soul started dying.

Now? Now I am actually relieved, almost ecstatic. You all do not need to console me because I am not in pain. If anything I am happy because now I can divorce my cheater and get out of this fake marriage without having to feel like the bad guy or that I am in the wrong. She has given me the reason I have need for fifteen year to finally escape without my friends and family villainizing me.

I can say with confidence that I have been a good husband to her all these years. Perfect? No of course not. But I have never done anything over the past fifteen years to warrant this treatment. She knows full well that if she were caught again, then that would be it: which leads me to believe this is an exit affair on her part and she wants me to bust her. That is the feeling I get. Maybe I am wrong, but I have a hard time thinking she is that stupid to cheat again after what we went through before and expect me to forgive her again.

So over the past two months I have gathered all the evidence I need to divorce her. I have not confronted her yet or had her served. I do want to eventually expose her to our friends and families in order to protect my own reputation, but I have some questions:

One: Should I wait until after the divorce is final to expose her to our families and the other guy's wife? If I expose now word might get back to her employer and I don't want her getting fired. I made the stupid mistake of marrying and living in a state where alimony is mandatory, so if she gets fired then I'm on the hook. She makes more than me. If she doesn't lose her job, I could ask for alimony, but I won't.

Two: How do I tell my son? He was just six when she cheated the first time and even though he couldn't understand at the time, he saw what it did to us and I think he was affected by our separation. He will be pissed at her, but I don't know any reason why I should lie to him.

Three: Should I ask her to move out, or try to keep things amicable until the divorce goes through and just live together? I want to keep the house, and in my divorce petition I state that I will buy out her share of the equity.

Four: I want to start dating again soon. Is there anyone here who went through a divorce where you lived with your spouse but dated other people? Or is it best to wait?

773 comments posted: Saturday, May 8th, 2021