Me: BW 32, Her: WW 31 (same sex marriage) DD: June 2021 (found out 2 weeks after it started, EA w/21yo girl who lives in another country - met online gaming)

WW won't let go of AP, had past life together???

Hi Everyone,

I(32F) hate that I'm back. My first and only post was in July 2021 about a month after finding out my wife(31F) was having an emotional affair with a girl(21F) she met online gaming. Since then, there's been a lot of back and fourth about what we both want to do. We're both in individual therapy but haven't started couples therapy (I feel like there's no point until she's 100% in it with me). She moved out of our place August 2021 and has been staying at her parents since then. She says that she's been working on herself a lot and trying to figure out what she wants in life. She's been dealing with a lot of depression and childhood trauma and stuff like that. Back in August 2021 when she moved out, we basically separated although we didn't say out load that that's what it was. We took off our rings, etc. and she was still talking and gaming with her AP. But we both really wanted to stay together or at least move towards working on things. She told me numerous times that they were no longer romantic and it was just friends (I didn't buy that). I attempted to move on and she didn't like that at all. We agreed that we didn't want to let each other go just yet without trying again. So that's what we did. This was around October 2021. She swore up and down to the ends of the earth that they were just friends and didn't even really talk that much. Which I obviously was not ok with, but she said she needed to let her go herself and not because I was asking her to so that she didn't resent me for that. So I gave her time. Every once in a while (actually all the time) I would check to see if they were gaming with each other. And yeah, they were. I confronted her about this a few times and it was always the same story. She would say its nothing and that she wants to work on things with me. Her and her AP ended up having some sort of falling out in December and no longer talked or gamed. I felt relieved at the time.

Then Christmas Eve rolls around and were at our place getting ready to leave to go to a family thing. She left her phone face up on the table and I saw she had an incoming call but the name was just an emoji. I immediately know who it was. I kept my mouth shut the entire night and faked nice with everyone even though I was seething inside. Once we got back I told her I know who called her and she said she didn't know why AP was calling and that they don't talk and she was going to delete her number. She reiterated the fact that she wants to be with me and continue to work on things.

Then in January 2022 I spoke to her about them being friends on social media. She said its not a big deal, they don't talk, she doesn't look at her Instagram, and to please just try to trust her. She also said her therapist doesn't see what the big deal is about that and that I need to go out on a limb and try to trust again and let her prove to me that she can be trusted. So I tried. Things were going well, she was being transparent with me and was trying to help me heal from all of this. But something didn't sit right with me about them being friends online, even IF they don't talk.

February we celebrated 12 years together (not marriage anniversary, but our original anniversary). Things we're going so well. We were being open about how things made us feel and things that we did that hurt each other in the past and talking through things. It seemed like we had turned a new leaf. Her birthday was in early April and I planned a really fun trip with some of our friends. We had a great time and she was so appreciative that I had planned this thing for her. We get back from our trip and she tells me that AP was calling and messaging her like crazy but that she ignored it. I was really glad she told me and she said that she is glad she can share something like this with me. I asked what this was about. She said AP saw in my Instagram a picture of my wife and I back in March and she was mad about that. The AP even messaged me and said things like, "I thought you guys weren't hanging out, I don't know what's going on, and that my wife wasn't being truthful with either of us." I asked my wife what she was talking about. She said she didn't know and doesn't know why she would say something like that because they haven't even talked in so long. I trusted what she said because I was really starting to trust her again.

Then my wife wants to take time off work to focus on school and therapy, etc. (by the way, she is still living at her parents during all of this). A few days ago she goes to see a Medium. She tells me what this Medium told her. And she said the Medium picked up on another person, and my wife asked why she has trouble letting go of this person and the medium says that they had a past life together and that she's not meant to let go, but that there are many paths in life that you can take and that her wife (me) loves her very much and that my wife will figure it out. SO when she told me that I of course lost my mind once again. I feel like I am right at the beginning again. My wife is taking these 3 weeks off work to think about things like if she wants to be with me or not. I told her if she does, then she is severing all ties with this person for good and that I will no longer let her disrespect me anymore! These 3 weeks are the longest weeks of my life and I hate that I'm even giving her time to think about this. She either does or doesn't want to go all in with me. I don't know if she's expecting some revelation or answer from the universe but I'm over it. She says she loves me so much and that she see's us in the future and wants to work on things but she needs to think before she lets this person go completely. I feel like I know what you all are going to say but, please advise.

66 comments posted: Tuesday, April 26th, 2022