Cheated early in the relationship

I just found out my husband cheated early in the relationship.

Over the last 13 years, I suspected infidelity. I was never able to prove it because we were long distance for the first 6 years. During those 6 years, I would visit him and vice versa. I snooped one day and found that he was searching sex workers. He claims he never used their services. He probably did. After that, we moved in together for 2 years. In those 2 years, he flirted with a very distant cousin he barely got to know. It was really weird and clearly a product of his addiction. That ended quickly. And he was faithful.

Then we got married and he was still faithful. He earned my trust.

And then this all came out into the open because I found messages to another woman online who he never met. He said he saw it as a way to boost his ego and like a conquest. He claims he wasn't going to get physical - only sext. I believe this because he doesn't have the means to travel to her. He admitted that he thinks he's a sex addict and that it has a lot to do with the fact that he was sexually abused at a very young age for years.

This event was a catalyst that reminded me of past events. I brought them all back up but one in particular stood out to me as he was very nervous when talking about this other woman he was friends with 2 years into our relationship. I had to pry it out of him and little by little he added more to the story and it ended with him fucking her.

I'm heartbroken. The only family I have is my little sister. I'm her guardian. We were both brutally abused by family, and I saved her. As a result, we were outcasted from our entire extended family. My husband of 13 years knows this and helped to save her. So you can see how difficult this has been for us.

He says he wants to go to therapy but he was saying that even before being completely honest about how far he cheated early in our relationship. (Like I said, I had to pry and stand by ground.) So he's not completely forthcoming when it comes to telling the truth. But he will go to therapy...

I'm lost. I need help, advice, resources... Anything...

12 comments posted: Monday, May 30th, 2022