Lysa TerKeurst

Has anyone read any of her books? I know they are Christian based but focus on forgiveness and healing.

1 comment posted: Wednesday, November 16th, 2022

Not sure what's true

Last night I was in shower and my WH plays a game on his phone. I decided to quietly peak down the stairs at him and he was not on his game but was looking at some either website or maybe his Google drive and scrolling through.

I then seen him go back to his game so I asked him what were you looking at. He said his Gmail. I said no your Gmail is black not white and the screens you were on were white with either pictures or descriptions. He said no it was his Gmail and we went back forth.

I told him I don't want him talking to me until he tells me what it was. And I told him I don't necessarily think it was anything bad I was curious since I didn't know what it was and I know it wasn't the email. But the fact he isn't saying is concerning.

He is in IC and things seem to be going on right track.

He gave me his phone to look at and I couldn't find anything but if it was a web search he could just use private browsing.

He did have his Gmail account open as a tab and some pumpkin info, and his Google drive since he was using that for pumpkin face images he bought off etsy.

I will be honest, my WH isn't the smartest and does have a really bad memory. Many times he forgets something that was said seconds ago. Not giving excuses but he could have looked at the pumpkin pictures and didn't mention it since the last thing he checked was his email.

I don't know, I'm sick to my stomach.

8 comments posted: Friday, November 4th, 2022

Not the first choice

How do you reconcile if you always feel like you weren't the first choice? I am a very factual person and the fact that my WH and even my exWH did not put me first, I wasn't their first choice or top choice, I am struggling to get past it.

In my mind if I was they wouldn't have done what they both did. And I guess since it's my second marriage struggling again with lies and betrayals, I have many days I think it must be me.

But then I know my ex wanted me back for years, still does and this goes for any ex of mine. They always want me back.

So why was I not the first choice when they had me, only after they lose me?

I want to reconcile and move forward and my current WH is doing everything right, but I'm struggling with my self worth.

It hurts to know I will never be anyone's first choice.

15 comments posted: Wednesday, October 12th, 2022

Internet and other stuff

I just found out before we moved in together my now husband was paying for phone sex and cam girls.

We have been together for 2 years and we just got married, we moved very fast we are in late 30s both previously married. He said he used porn often in past because he has erectile dysfunction and hardly ejaculates so felt less shame with phone sex or cam girls than hook ups.

I found out he also had a few personal massages and hand jobs from prostitutes prior to meeting me, years before meeting me. I asked about this many times and he always denied it.

I know by checking his bank the last time he paid for phone sex or cam girls was before we moved in together over a year ago.

The phone sex and cam girls happened within 6 months of our relationship and after that stopped.

The last thing he has done is watch a free porn video last summer according to him

I don't know what to do or think. Most of his past was before me and some of his entertainment happened in beginning of our relationship. I have no proof anything has happened since we moved in together.

Should I try to let him gain my trust again, or is it always going to be a liar that can't be trusted? This is my second marriage and my first husband cheated on me but was also abusive. My husband now is the best partner I have ever had except for lying about his past.

I'm so confused. Any insights?

29 comments posted: Sunday, September 11th, 2022