Newest Member: 10yearson


Not feeling it after WH now wants to reconcile

This is my first post but I’ve read so much on this site and am thankful to have found it as the last 2 1/2 months have been a shit storm.
My story is going to mirror several others on here shockingly. So caught my WH cheating with a co-worker. We just had our 20 year anniversary and are both late 40s. Went through the whole gaslighting/stonewalling/denial with him, it took him over a month to finally come clean to me. More details have been trickling out, as we talk about it and as I ask him more questions. I believe I caught this early enough to stop it from getting too real and before deep emotional feelings developed. I did kick him out of the house and while he was in a fog or what seemed to me a different planet, he signed a year lease that first week for a house about a mile away. He says he didn’t know where to go and was afraid he wouldn’t see the kids. Our kids are teens. I have since told him that they are old enough to make that decision on their own and I have no interest in them not having their dad in their lives.
Fast forward two months later and he is back to the man I know. I know he cheated, but I believe this was a wake up call for him. He’s stopped drinking, wants to be with me and the kids (3 teenagers) as much as possible and is willing to be completely transparent with all email/computer/social media etc. The problem is this woman still works with and for him and they only have contact via email. He has told her that he made a mistake and is dedicated to me and the kids. He’s showed me the one or two texts from her regarding work issues but I told him that until she leaves and there is NC, we can continue our current status but nothing more. No sex, no trial moving back in (he would be down in the basement), and nothing deeper. Even if they don’t have personal contact now, I’m not comfortable with the situation. Without knowing what the 180 was, I was already doing it. Did my own thing, started some projects around the house, and am overall happy and feeling a little better each day. I haven’t felt like going out as much, but mentally I feel better about things and accepting the possibility of our relationship going either way. I have told him I am unsure of moving forward with reconciliation because I don’t want him to go back to the way he was a few months ago after I let him back in.
So, if and when this woman leaves (he said it’s extremely uncomfortable and a high paying job that’s difficult to replace) I was thinking of having a post- nuptial drawn up by an attorney basically protecting me and awarding me all assets if he cheats again. He said to get it done and he’ll sign. I know this sounds materialistic (and it sounds like that because it is 😃) but I’m at the point where I really don’t want to start over or give up the lifestyle I have and in a sense this protects me. I won’t have to work and I’ll be fine. I’m not feeling any emotion toward him at all. This almost feels like a business transaction that I NEVER thought I would be ok with but I am now. Is this a normal feeling to have at this time? I know everyone is different and people respond/handle situations differently but I was madly in love with this man up until this happened. But it feels like he’s in the friend zone now for me and opposite for him. Has anyone felt like this and did it change over time? I want to have the same feelings I once had for him but sometimes I find myself even annoyed that he wants to be around me so much. Would love to hear others experience and if these feelings subside and regarding the post nup.

14 comments posted: Monday, October 10th, 2022

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