Letter of apology?

My husband and I discussed sending the OM a letter of apology. I am glad that he feels remorse and cares about the OBS but I wonder whether it would be painful for the OBS. My question is for any BS but particularly for the men because I don’t know if some men would not want this. I can say that I would have appreciated a letter of apology from the married OW. It would not likely restore my opinion of her but it would set something right in the world for me.

Does anyone have an opinion of whether this is a good idea?

14 comments posted: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

Timelines

Feeling in a bit of a crisis…been shaking which hasn’t happened in a long time. My husband is over in our in-law house writing the timeline. I feel like I’m gonna throw up. Part of me wants to run over and put him out of his misery—not with a gun, just telling him he doesn’t actually have to do it. But I know he has to do it. He has been promising it for 9 months. Cheating was almost 8 years ago but only came clean that it was physical last summer. I had always just thought they were inappropriately friendly. I’m not nervous of what he will say because I highly highly doubt he will reveal more now. We have gone over the extensive details zillions of times. But the idea of him writing this is somehow so incredibly upsetting. Was it for anyone else? I didn’t realize how scary it would be.

I asked him to try not to write « we » whenever possible. I realize that is kind of pathetic. How can he not write « we » and actually tell the story. I’m just horrified at the prospect of reading sentences that start with « we ». I’m horrified at the prospect of reading it at all. Do some BS not actually read it?

38 comments posted: Wednesday, September 13th, 2023

Am I being a jerk

So there was one thing I asked my husband to do to make things easier for me. His A was 7 years ago but I only found out it was physical 7 months ago, and it has been very rocky. To help with triggers a month or so ago I asked him to make a particular change in his day. In each of the five offices he visits there are three or four empty private offices where the doctors keep their stuff, go on their computers, eat their lunch etc. They are not assigned but everyone has their spot. For the last 15 years or so my husband had a particular room in office B and office M. Those are the two offices where the kissing occurred during the A with his secretary. So I asked that he not use those offices. This is a VERY easy thing to do as there are only one or two docs at each site and thus there are multiple empty office choices. They do not see patients in these rooms. So last week I FaceTime him at lunch at office B and sure enuf he is using the office where stuff occurred. Okay, so he’s so sorry, was a mistake didn’t think about it. I’m like, no problem, let’s just not do that okay? Cause it’s mean to me and it hurts. He says of course of course. Problem solved. Today I FaceTime him at office M. It is his birthday and I want to say happy bday. But…of course…he is in the bad office in Office M, where the most severe cheating occurred. WTF. Why does he not get this. Then I am the bad guy because I’m upset but it’s his birthday so I say forget it. Just have a happy bday etc. Why can he not do these things. I just don’t understand. Yes he is very busy and yes this was a habit he developed over years but still. Again he is so so sorry and upset with himself. Would love to hear from WSs whether they made mistakes like this and why.

39 comments posted: Friday, March 10th, 2023