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forestfirepine

ForestFirePine

Advice for getting through one year d-day anniversary

Hey All - one year ago my world blew up. Hitting the one year mark is hard and every damn thing is triggering me. Any advice or words of encouragement appreciated!

7 comments posted: Monday, November 13th, 2023

Just coming for some support

Well, here I am.

My husband was also my best friend. I never suspected anything. I have a lot of trauma in my background and with this additional trauma, I couldn't cope. On d-day, I checked myself into the hospital. I'm doing better now - even back at my full-time teaching job. I have an official depression and PTSD diagnosis and I'm on meds.

We slept at different locations for awhile but he is now back at home and sleeping in the guest room. I'm not even sleeping in our bed ... I am on a couch (which I find comfortable). I just can't sleep in our bed right now. My husband has been showing a lot of remorse and wants to reconcile. He did the whole messed up "trickle truth" thing at first, which was really fun with my PTSD. He swears he has told me everything now and there have been no more disclosures for about a week and a half. He has been very patient and open as I've asked him questions and questions and questions.

If you would have asked me, "who is the most trustworthy person you know?" a month ago I would have said, "my husband." But he had an encounter with a prostitute while on a business trip six years ago. He tested himself for STDs right when he got back and I just tested as well and we are all clear there. He was also active on sex chat / dating sites four years ago. He says it lasted around two-three months and he was on about 5 different sites.

I'm devastated. I loved him SO much. But the way he was able to just lie to me all these years makes me feel like I don't really know him. And I had no idea that it was possible to be in this much pain. I've been through a lot of shit ... but this? This is just horrible.

We are each in IC and we are interviewing marriage counselors right now. But when I'm asked if I want to reconcile, I'm just so confused. I love him and it is difficult to imagine life without him. However, there is a huge risk with this. If he cheats again I really don't think my brain can stand another trauma. When I got out of the hospital and my meds were adjusting, I had a psychotic break. It was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced and scary as hell.

I am glad to be on this site and glad you are all here sharing your stories.

12 comments posted: Saturday, December 3rd, 2022

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