Letting AP spouse know
My husband had an affair 3 years ago. It was emotional and sexual, though it remained virtual and there was no in-person contact. We went through counseling, reconciled, and have worked hard on our marriage, but I still struggle with the AP’s husband not knowing.
Early on, I wanted to tell him, but I was advised not to. That never fully sat right with me, especially since this was apparently at least her third affair. I still feel like he deserves to know, particularly because this seems to be a pattern for her.
At this point though, I’m wondering if it’s too late to say anything. If not, would an email or text be more appropriate? I don’t think I’d be comfortable with a phone call.
I’m struggling because I think my reasons are twofold:
1. I genuinely think he deserves to know, especially if she’s likely to do this again without concern for how it affects him.
2. Part of me also feels like she shouldn’t be able to repeatedly do this without any consequences.
2 comments posted: Sunday, May 24th, 2026
