Over 2 years since original betrayal

Our 7 year anniversary came around in September, and all I got was a smile and a hug in the morning, and absolutely nothing all weekend long (he had to pick up his 8 year old daughter) and just never even made an effort for even a card. I was upset so on the Sunday of the weekend, I looked at his phone and just had to find another deleted message thread on Instagram (one single message from a woman with no other messages or context) calling him sexy in Portuguese (he's from Brazil). Confronted him and got the usual run around excuses "I dont know why she sent that!?" and I just told him enough was enough. Long story short, he went on a work trip, and I have good reason to believe he cheated again.

We filed for divorce on October 6th, but it wont be finalized until April 4th for the cooling off period. We share one daughter together who is almost 3 (the original cheating -that I know of- happened when she was 3 months and 6 months old).

I dont understand how a MAN can do that to his wife and baby daughter (and his older daughter too!) This is the kind of man we wish our daughters never find... and how he has been able to just lie until I had proof and gaslight is some kind of evil... my therapist said he's a textbook sociopath.

So because our divorce won't be final for months, and he is in the military and may go on deployments, I am not in a rush to leave the house. I am planning on finding my own space closer to the end, and also so the child/spouse support is organized and I wont have to worry. We are friendly in the house, besides cheating and lying, he is a very kind person, no anger, no abuse, nothing.

If anyone else here cohabitated for some time until divorce was, how did you survive it? I have been taking my daughter to my parents house for a night a week and am currently out on a little trip with her now (everything he knows, agrees, and actually helped pay for). I found an IC but have not started yet, has been so difficult to find and schedule. I'd love to hear more stories about how to get through this without feeling the need to cry or scream into the void at any moment

1 comment posted: Tuesday, October 27th, 2026

Delete evidence?

Hey all, I might not get some abbreviations correct but I just wanted to get some advice here because I'm not currently able to do Individual Counseling.

My husband was cheating (April 2024, we just had our daughter who was only 3 months old) by talking to multiple women, downloading Tinder, and trying to ask for sex. I have screenshots of these messages. We are trying to reconcile but I'm not sure if I delete everything so I don't look again, or if I keep it to remind myself or him how awful this was. My gut tells me that if I truly want to move on, I'd better get rid of it. He has apologized and been regretful and remorseful and has done many things to move us forward.

What did y'all do when you had physical (digital) evidence?

Thanks for the feedback.

13 comments posted: Thursday, February 20th, 2025