Healing on my own after another D day

Almost 27 years married, 31 years together. First affair within 6 months. Last D day in August 2025, many D days earlier in 2025 from trickle truths, last affair 10 years ago when temporary separated; 4 affairs that I am aware of. PTSD now. Couples therapy failed because he didn’t want to answer my disclosure questions. I have to heal on my own again; little empathy, no communication, minimizing, blame shifting, compartmentalization, lots of acts of service/check ins, love you’s, I’m sorry’s, some remorse but it’s a power issue "you’ll take it out on me forever and forever blame me if I say more " dismissive avoidance attachment. "I’m a good person, my therapist thinks I’m a good person, Iv been good for x years" yet lied/lies about affairs the entire marriage. We fought a lot because I knew there were secrets. Trust is gone. When can you finally let go, why did I stay; is it limerence, betrayal blindness, fear of abandonment, anxious attachment, hope for change that will never happen, hoping to fix his childhood trauma, or just being a chump? How can you heal yourself from repetitive relational injuries within the relationship by yourself? Is an affair during unofficial separation when things were difficult or when being away for a few months for school okay? I say no. Divorce lawyer (and therapist) this time, trying to emotionally detach. How to deal?

1 comment posted: Tuesday, November 25th, 2025