Advice please!

Hi, I am 3 months post affair ending. It was a very complex situation with me having an relationship with my younger next door neighbour! I live with my wife and two teenagers and the affair partner is still living next door. What started out back in June with me helping her go to hospital with a panic attack quickly turned into a friendship. I didn't want anything more but she started to compliment me and turn me against my wife saying my wife is controlling, doesn't care about me etc. I tried to end it but when I did she took an overdose and nearly died. She blamed me for it so I carried a hell a lot of guilt and responsibility. I agreed to meet up and then things developed again and I felt trapped. After 6 weeks of constant asking I finally gave in and slept with her! I then kept saying I can't do this and I wanted to be with my family and then I would receive abusive messages and threats that she would tell my wife. It went on like this 5 times where I tried to end it but was to weak to break it up! I ended up telling my wife and had to go away for a week to sort my head out. The affair partner kept calling me on her friends phone, sending emails and harassing me even though I said it was over. It ended up with her trying to get into my house (luckily I was home alone whilst wife and kids were away) at 5am one morning. I had to call the police as she was captured on the doorbell camera and kept getting abusive emails. The police arrested her an put her on bail with no contact in place. My wife says she can't unfeel how she feels and can't see how we have a future. The fact that I slept with her is what really hurts my wife. It is only 3 months past the day I told my wife. Wedding rings off, I am sleeping in the front room and things are up and down. She says she find's it hard to be alone with me in the same room. We have both had two individual relationship counselling sessions and the next one the plan was to go together but my wife is unsure as the counsellor isn't direct. My wife said a few weeks ago that she doesn't want counselling to fix things when I mentioned Gottman therapy may be better. I am not sure what to do as the trauma is daily due to having to live together for the kids and the fact that the affair partner lives next door is just triggering all the time. Any advice welcome.

5 comments posted: Wednesday, November 19th, 2025