2 emotional affairs - considering the road to R
I’m new here. This feels like one of the few places both online and offline that will support my journey into making the crazy decision to even consider reconciling. So here it goes.
THE AFFAIR
I don’t know what the future looks like. I’m the BS. My partner of 5 years didn’t tell me he had 2 children from a previous relationship and I found out because I found pictures of them on a date this year and very friendly messages on his phone. Including messages that imply them getting back together. It seems they reconnected in the summer of 2024, which is the year our son was born. Our relationship stopped being intimate and I spent a lot of time with my family after our son was born. So there was plenty of opportunity for him to stray. I also found messages between him and a friend of his that was also intimate. Good morning messages, exchanging pictures, lots of flirting.
So that is 2 emotional affairs after the birth of our son. One with his baby mum (BM) and the other with a female friend (FF).
Since finding out I spent the week with him, and a week at my parents - trying to process it all and figure out what to do.
I had suspicions last year as I saw a very friendly picture with him and the FF, it was framed and he told me it was an old gift. His mum has been ill so he has spent a lot of time going up to visit his family (without us - but I have commitments for my daughter on weekends so can usually never go).
HIS REACTION
He denied everything until I started drop feeding him with evidence. I took screenshots of texts and have pictures of his album. He admitted that he has a weird relationship with FF whereby they text and it has been like that for years as he knew her before he knew me. He told me that the relationship between him and his BM was abusive - she kicked him out the house - but the images on his phone show that they were trying to reconcile when we first got together and again over the past year. He showed me pictures of him with bruises. I have enquired to receive police reports to confirm the domestic abuse. Their son was hospitalised and very very sick (which is true) and that is why he connected with the BM but claims this was the only way he could see his children - by promising her a future.
He has kept his phone open so I can go into it anytime. He says he wants to be with me. He is willing to talk about everything and present evidence for all of my questions. He is also willing to do counselling. This all feels too good to be true.
WHAT THE OTHER WOMEN SAID
I spoke to both FF and BM. BM says they are engaged - yet she doesn’t know where he lives! He says she is a crazy character - but she confirmed a lot of the timeline. She then started sending WP messages. They had a conversation while I was out. It seemed she relayed our whole conversation to him (as I didn’t relay our conversation but admitted I spoke to his BM). I now need to see their message exchange.
FF currently has NC as they had a huge argument a few months ago and no longer speak. She confirmed that they dated. She didnt want to speak to me so it was short and she hang up.
MOVING FORWARD
I am waiting for a counselling appointment. We are going to run through the timelines of our relationship with pen and paper this weekend. I’m also looking for relationship therapy as either way, we have to coparent our son.
I don’t know what the future looks like at all but it has given me so so much doubt about his character. I’ve completely lost my appetite. Time seems to have completely slowed down. I can’t seem to concentrate on anything.
I’m looking forward to being part of this community.
3 comments posted: Wednesday, November 12th, 2025
