F (31), married 10 years. D DAY 10/24/25

Found out two weeks postpartum

Unfortunately I just joined this group. I found out my husband of almost ten years was cheating on me while trying to conceive and throughout my pregnancy when I was feeding my baby in the middle of the night and went through his phone. I confronted him the next day and he admitted to buying "content" on only fans and from girls on X. This progressed to meeting up with women for "massages". Overall spending thousands of dollars to cheat on me. He was also texting one of the girls then cut it off when it got "too much" and she was feeling attracted to him. Which is an emotional affair on top of a physical one. And financial.
He said he has a problem with porn and thinks he would be considered a sex addict. I knew about the porn but clearly not the full extent. I felt he was sneaky with his phone which ultimately lead me to go through it when I had a gut feeling.
I am obviously devastated about this. Adding on the postpartum hormones and just knowing this time period is so sacred and special and now it’s full of so much sadness adds on to my anger and betrayal. This is our second child and being so newly postpartum it’s not like I can kick him out so we have been living on separate floors of the house and co parenting the best we can.
I am in IC and so if he. I just found a couples therapist we will meet with shortly. I feel like I am just numb. I had him get tested and he was clean, says it was never more than the massages and those only happened in this past year. It’s been a tough year for us with jobs and family drama but when I thought we were leaning on each other he was turning away to others. I just feel so lost. I’m not sure what the next steps of this process looks like. He wants to reconcile and will do anything to save his family. He’s since done things to show how he will show me he has nothing to hide like sharing all passwords and a phone monitoring but I know if someone wants to cheat or watch porn they will find a way, especially with an addiction. Does anyone have experience with a partner with sex addiction? At what point do we start to "rebuild" if that’s what I decide?
I so badly wish this didn’t happen but here we are and there is no clear roadmap on how to navigate this. It’s been four weeks of coexisting and I fear we will get stuck here the longer we do it.
I’m looking for support or advice, honestly anything. The only person who knows about the affair is my therapist. I don’t know when or of involving friends and family is a good idea or not. Right now I couldn’t handle any outside noise or opinions considering my situation. Feeling pretty alone here and happy to have a group of people who can understand some of my pain.

2 comments posted: Tuesday, December 2nd, 2025