Pregnant and betrayed

Out of no where, the other night, my husband told me that he cheated on me. I’m in absolute. shock.

We’ve been together 12 years, married for 7, and even more… newly pregnant with our 4th child.

Not that it matters but it was with a childhood friend, and there was no sex, a "moment of weakness" was his initial description - what began as an emotional moment/conversation turned very inappropriate for a married man - very much cheating nonetheless. All of their conversations prior to are unable to be accessed (which I feel would clarify some things for me, most were done via Snapchat 🙄). He kept this whole thing from me for nearly a month (our discovery of the pregnancy shortly after the infidelity is his excuse for not telling me sooner). I want to vomit thinking about the acts he took with her, and then came home and did similar with me. I’m utterly disgusted by him with that. I don’t know how he "was able to not think about it" and carry on with our lives for weeks, it feels like our lives were a lie in that time.

This is never a position I thought I’d see us in. Cheating is something he has always felt passionately against. I believe he is sorry (he told me out of guilt, I honestly probably would have never found out had he not told me on his own). Part of me wishes I could just ignore that this ever even happened, but that’s obviously not a healthy or realistic choice. Part of me wants to uproot our entire lives and separate - which would be beyond huge, I have FOUR young children to think about (I know regardless it’s going to take time to navigate before any decisions are ultimately made, but my mind is moving so fast)

We have 3 kids, and one on the way. I’m so freaking hurt, utterly confused… 💔I just don’t know what I (or we) do next really. Counseling of some sort is going to be necessary of course, so needing to look into that asap.

I do believe he feels poorly and is sorry, but to what end? Did he realize me and his kids are the best thing that ever happened to him and doesn’t want to lose that? -can I ever be sure? I also can’t live indebted to him the rest of our lives either. He’s hurting so bad by this since telling me, which also feels unfair - I’m the one who is new to this information, I should have the space to be the hurt one (but of course I would be concerned if he showed no emotion on the matter). Hormones are at play here too, which feels like another unfair aspect lol. This feels far too heavy. Hoping for some input and advice on my particular situation.

Sorry for the rant to anyone who reads this far. I’m clearly struggling to process, and not prepared to have a conversation outside of anonymity. He’s supposed to be my best friend, the one I have always turned to for comfort, how can I be comforted by him now? 💔

4 comments posted: Friday, January 2nd, 2026