I'm not sure what to do...

So I've been married 15 years. Things have been good. 2 crazy kiddos. House. Good jobs. Lots of love. But in the last year, my wife had been getting a little more distant and wanting more from me and our relationship.

I've been a pretty solid dude. I'm very affectionate, great dad, do dome stuff around the house. But she had always complained about wanting more from me in life and at home. Our sex life hasn't been in the best shape for quite some time. It's been a topic of discussion for us over the years. I only tend to initiate on the weekends, and she has a stronger sex drive and I have turned her down often throughout the years.

About 8 months ago, she tells me that she doesn't feel connected to me and isn't sure about us. She also said that she had feelings towards someone at work. This person was already married, and was having a pretty open affair of their own at the office. She knew this. I told her why this person is worthless. She listened. We cried and talked. The door was still open for us, however, she said.

I paniced and turned all my stuff around. Became super dude. Got in great shape, was super present at home, taking care of business in the bedroom. Things were getting better. But I started suspecting her of hiding things from me and still harboring feelings for this wildly toxic person. She told me she cut off contact outside of the office. But she kept reaching out sporadically.

After a very difficult conversation, where this person was directly caught having another affair at the office, she told me that she was completely done with this person, which I believe, but "had been in love" with this person based on manipulation, promises, and lies. She had hid so much from me over the past year. Swore on our children that there were no feelings. Turns out, they had sex when I was out of town.

She is deeply groveling now to stay together. I never saw this coming as she is a pretty thoughtful and considerate person. I know I do have part of the blame for making the home life not ideal. I was checked out a bit, depressed cause I have wild kids, and not the best sexual partner. But I want to be clear, our home life was never bad, I just wasnt great. The trappings of this affair are so overly toxic, that I question whether I did play a bigger part in its occurrence. I'm better than this other person in almost every way. I'm embarrassed, broken, and lost. She seems so very genuine in her repentance. How can I forgive? I'm still madly in love with her.

1 comment posted: Saturday, January 17th, 2026