How will i ever move on

Hi all,
I found out in December that my wife of 18 years had been seeing another man. After becoming physically ill with a gut feeling, I checked my wife’s notifications and saw texts from another man asking if she was alone, followed by another message saying "OK" with a picture.
I asked my wife about it and she denied any wrongdoing, saying they had only been talking. The following morning, she told me that since April 2025 she had been to his house a few times and had met him in lay-bys for coffee chats and cuddles, but claimed there had been no sexual contact or sex. I found this very hard to believe and continued to dig deeper. I then found a "poke" from June 2024, which made me doubt her story even more.
I told my wife I didn’t believe her and that I was leaving. She said she had booked a polygraph test and that it would prove she was telling the truth. I gave her the benefit of the doubt because we have two children and a young foster child. She failed all four questions on the test.
I repeated my intention to leave, as she was still being dishonest. My wife then changed her story and admitted that he had masturbated behind her while she bent over with her trousers lowered, but still claimed there was no sex. She said this happened on two occasions, but that she only removed her clothes on one occasion. She gave me details in an attempt to validate her story.
I didn’t believe this. With the dodgy facts and the failed test, I believed she had had sex with him and continued packing to leave. She then changed her story again and admitted to sexual intercourse, giving details. I tried to move on, but found it very difficult. We talked back and forth, trying to make sense of why my heart felt like it had been ripped out and kicked up the street.
This all started at the beginning of December and went on through Christmas. I cooked Christmas dinner and put on a front for the kids, trying to push on and forgive my wife. This lasted until the 29th, when my wife came to me, without any evidence, and told me she had in fact lied again — that the test was wrong and that she hadn’t had sexual intercourse with this man.
I broke down, unable to understand what was going on. I told her I couldn’t do this again and that I couldn’t believe she hadn’t had sex with him. She begged me to believe her and to stay. I promised to make an effort through New Year for the kids, but said I couldn’t promise anything after that.
On the 4th of January, I was packed and ready to leave. My wife came to me and said, "I’m sorry, but I did sleep with him. I panicked the other day and didn’t know what to say to you. I was struggling with the pain I caused and just wanted it to end."
I became very worried and started thinking that this woman can’t be right. I worried about the kids if I did leave. I returned to work and kept my distance during the day, but I’m still struggling with the hurt and the lies. We continued messaging back and forth, trying to make sense of it all and why my wife would want to spend time with an older, scruffy, dirty man.
Without my knowledge, my wife booked another lie detector test — this time an eye-detect test. She was asked two questions about having sexual intercourse with anyone other than me since May, and she passed both questions. She called me with the news and then changed her story again, saying, "I told you I never had sex with him," before repeating her original claim of him masturbating behind her.
I have since found pictures and videos that were sent since April. I’ve also found five meetings on her timeline — two in a lay-by and three at his flat. She has admitted to sexting and to the meetings, but still claims they were only for cuddles and chats.
When I questioned how it even got to the position of him doing that behind her, she said she felt terrible about it and didn’t want to do it, but that he had been so complimentary and flattering that she felt she couldn’t say no. I find this very hard to believe — especially after 17 months of chatting and 9 months of on-and-off sexting — and I don’t believe the sexual tension wasn’t there or that they didn’t have sex.
She says the last meeting was in October and that after she left she felt this wasn’t what she wanted. She claims she started ignoring his advances online, didn’t respond to anything sexual, but didn’t know how to get out of it or stop it completely.
I find this very hard to believe and feel that sex must have happened. My whole world has been flipped upside down and my best mate has betrayed me. I don’t know how I will ever trust this woman again, or if I can move forward at all.

4 comments posted: Monday, January 26th, 2026