Help!

My husband has been an alcoholic for 10 years. 6 years ago I realized the magnitude. Since then I have consistently found hidden bottles etc. I have approached him with the hard conversations every few months and in many different ways...sadness, anger, support, worry, sent him therapist info, articles to read etc. Once in 2022 I found crystal meth (that he got from my brother, another long story). I lost it. I told him I will not be intimate with him because I am disgusted. I told him he needed therapy and to start doing the hard work. The drugs stopped there. Promises were always made but never kept about the drinking.
2 months ago I found out that he cheated on me with an escort last year while he was on a work trip in Vegas (when I was looking for hidden bottles I came across a bag with sex toys). He was going on the same trip the week after I found out and had every intention of doing it again (didn't have her specific info or anything but was bringing the bag in case the situation presented itself again).
Since that revelation he has been going to therapy twice a week (I am also in therapy), quit drinking and we are going to a marriage counselor once a week. He has been put on medication for depression/anxiety and medication to curb the need for drinking. He has shown remorse, shame and guilt...but none of those before I found out, only after. He has begged for some time to get the therapy to make sense of the demons in his head and work on us. We have had numerous conversations over the past 2 months, we were able to string 6 straight happy days together last week so that felt good. We have 3 kids (19,17 and 13). No one knows. I'm afraid if I tell any friends or family because they will hate him, and they will. If I chose to stay I don't want to have to be the middle man between him and loved ones. All of the hard work I'm putting in is exhausting. It seems so unfair that I have been fighting this fight alone for 6 years and now have to continue with the add in of cheating. I don't know if I can do this. I can't get his "special night" out of my head and heart. It would KILL my children if we divorced and quite frankly me as well. I don't want one less moment with my kids, I did nothing to have them taken away 50% of the time or whatever the courts would declare. All of this being said, I'd like to know if anyone has a similar situation and how they handled it and moved forward. With or without the marriage? Will the hurt of the cheating ever subside? Can I trust him again? I have always been a relatively confident person, I am a shell of myself most days and I hate that. Will I ever get ME back?

5 comments posted: Wednesday, March 25th, 2026