Just found out, she told me
I wouldn´t imagine being here writing this the last week.
My partner for -this year to be- 13 years now just had a one night stand. She went on a trip to Cuba, wich felt like betrayal on its own, when she anounced that she was going to this trip without me. We like the same music, we have been in cuba and other countries on festivals, we took dance classes togueter, so you can see why it was a shock when she told me she wanted to do the trip alone to the music festival.
She came back last thusday, I went to the airport to pick her up. We talked, we ate dinner there and then we went home, everything (for me) was fine, happy to see her again,
On friday I went to run some errands and she stayed home to rest from the trip, On friday night I tried to have fisical touch and intimacy and I felt something. Nothing really happend because when she took her clothes off and I touch her I don't know why, maybe as a joke maybe as something I felt I ask her if she has someone else to do to her what I wanted to do to her, and she went dead silent. Went to the bathroom, put her PJs, washed her theeth and finally came out and I insisted, Do you? and she said, something happend. I felt like never before in my life, What happen I said, she said everithing happend with someone. My world felt appart.
I asked her why, and now I think she reharsed her response before telling me. She told me: "I think I have tiroydes problems (which is true) I read that libido goes down, my symptomps got better there and I knew this guy, also I think is something I felt I had to do, because I´m not feeling myself lately, I don't socialize like I used to when I was young, and I could in this trip. I'm not feeling free and in the trip I felt liberty... Thing are not good between us for the years... I told you I wanted to open our relationship (wich is partially true, we had conversations on the topic, she told me she liked or likes? someone else, and that she has been thinking about it. We talked about this maybe 2 or 3 times the past couple of months, but we never were on the same page, we didn't commit to changeing things whatsoever)" this goes on and on, and I can see that she´s trying to not be accountable for what she's done.
My tears just burst, and she said "I'm sorry I am the reason you're crying" It felt so unpersonal... you're sorry you told me, you're not sorry you betrayed me... That's what I have been thinking, and I told her last night this. She's confused with that, but it's been 5 days since she told me "everything happend" and not, I'm sorry for what I did.
That is killing me. Also, when I asked her if she wants to be in touch with the person "everything happend with", she said: I don't know. It blew my mind, because she told me she needs sex without emotional connection, If that's what you want, why would you be in touch with that person? why would you exchange info with the one night stand if you're not interested in something else than a shagg? how come you don't know?
I told her my self harm thoughts returned, and she told me "I'm panicking if something happens to you because you´re very important to me" And I felt it again, she's guilty she told me, not that she did what she did and she's focusing on her and not me.
I don't know what to do, I guess I'm here like everyone else, just to venting... but I don't really know what to do, I don't know if I want to continue in this relationship, I asked her and she told me the same. I told her this morning that we both don't know what we want but that I want to try to figure it out toguether and propossed couples therapy and she said yes.
I feel something close to hope but with my self esteem broken, my hopes shatered, my trust in her gone... feels hopeless.
Thank you for reading this lines knowing behind them is just me hurting like never before, and that you can understand me. Sorry for my english, is not my first language.
7 comments posted: Wednesday, March 18th, 2026
