Who to tell?

I’m so lost. We closed on our dream home 1 week ago after surviving major financial infidelity 3 years ago. I had plenty of reason to divorce him then but my kids were young and I didn’t work.
Anyway a secret credit card came out in the closing process for the house. I found 2-4 instances of visiting massage parlors per year since 2022. He claims just HJ but the charges are $50 and $100 tip. Idk what else was happening in there. It also seems he hasn’t done it in over a year unless he paid cash. I can’t find any recent atm withdrawals though.

Anyway my point here is that I’m in the middle of moving into a home I can’t afford without his income. There are so many things with moving that are difficult and I do want his help with. So I’m letting him stick around until me and the kids are settled. We didn’t ask to be in the middle of moving chaos on our own. Then he’ll move in with his parents for hopefully a month. He doesn’t want to but I’m insisting he be uncomfortable.

I have told my bestie in NY but I haven’t told anyone in person. My therapist advised me not to "detonate anything yet". But I feel so fake when everyone asks if we’re excited about the move. I also feel so alone and want support of friends. But if I tell them and then we reconcile, it will be weird. It also might make him less agreeable in the divorce process.

How do you deal with this urge to lean on friends when you can’t yet?

2 comments posted: Monday, April 20th, 2026