Dealing with the affair partner

My husband had a 12 week affair with someone he met at a reunion. Gaslit me extensively for that time and moved in with her and her children, all while denying he was doing anything more than having a good time with some old friends. He broke up with me during one of his spells back at home but denied he had met anyone. I only found out because he was very open with mutual friends of ours and expected them to keep his secret which they couldn't after seeing me struggle with sudden changes in help with childcare. He denied initially and then suddenly admitted a very minor affair and wanted to come home. He was still on the mortgage and had nowhere to go so I felt I couldn't deny him. I emphasised we were over but he could still be nearby to be a dad.
A week later his mistress got in touch with me. Full blown affair from the first night, weekends away, he was with her the night my dad had a serious operation. What I'm struggling with now is dealing with her for those few days to get some sort of truth my husband wasn't willing to provide has felt as damaging as the affair. She knew an extraordinary amount of intimate detail about me, she shared sexual information about them I didn't want to know, shared all their intimate texts which I only managed to read two before deleting them. I knew it was probably hurting me but he wouldn't tell me anything and at that point the truth felt so important.
We aren't back together and yet I find her words so intrusive and damaging. Has anyone else had experience of dealing with the affair partner? I feel it was malicious and I almost want to respond to her and put her in her place. She still felt it was ok two months after to casually reach out to both of us. But also don't think being drawn back into their triangle will benefit me in the long run. Just a conflict between protecting my mental safety and wanting justice.

6 comments posted: Tuesday, April 28th, 2026