When will I stop feeling like this?

I guess I just need to vent, but I could really use some words of encouragement.
My husband cheated on me October 4th of last year. Showed no interest in reconciling and within a week was living at his AP’s house. We’d been together 8 years, married for one and had a 15 month old son. I filed for divorce about a month after I found out.
To say it’s been a nightmare every day since, would be an understatement. First he didn’t come around, barely saw our son, didn’t even really talk to me which was honestly better than how it is now.
Him and AP broke up about 2 months after he told me (she got drunk and physically assaulted him). He bought me out of our house because I couldn’t afford the bills on my own. I had to move in with my parents until I can find another place, so he kept the dogs and almost everything in the house because I have nowhere to put it. He switches between bullying/blaming me and begging for me back, which is just an emotional roller coaster. And now he wants 50/50 custody of our son too. I feel like I’ve lost everything. I genuinely hate my life. My hair is falling out, I can’t sleep, panic attacks, crying all the time, you name it.
It’s been 7 months. I thought I’d be kind of farther along in the healing process by now but I feel like I’m just getting worse. Mother’s Day was especially triggering for me. How long did it take you to feel okay afterward? Was anything helpful in your healing journey?

1 comment posted: Wednesday, May 13th, 2026