Newly BS - help
D-day was the 24th May after I found messages on his phone. He trickle truthed but I truly believe I now know the extent of it although of course I’ll never know everything that was said between them. The key details are this.
5th March - group night out with work colleagues. She told him she thought he was attractive and he said the same back to her. On the train home together for 2 stops. They kissed goodbye when she got off.
Sometime after that she spoke to him at work and said it couldn’t happen again they were both married etc etc.
Flirty messages between them at work, nothing sexual, no arrangements to meet up just inside jokes etc.
7th May - group night out with work. During the night he would go outside and she would follow him to cuddle him and put her hand on his chest. She grabbed his hand when he came out of the toilet and kissed him, he kissed her back. They missed the train so shared a taxi which he paid for. They cuddled in the taxi and he fell asleep drunk. She woke him up at her stop and they kissed goodbye.
He spoke to her very briefly at work and said do we need to talk. She said no nothing happened let’s just leave it.
21st May. Another group night out. They stayed at the bar together after everyone else had left for about an hour but did not kiss. He walked to a different train station so he could get the train back with her. She got off the train before him and kissed each other goodbye. He stayed on to the end of the line and got a taxi home.
24th May. I found the messages.
I can verify through soooo much snooping that the above information is true. I concede there may have been more kissing than he’s telling me but they never had an opportunity to have sex even if they wanted to.
I don’t know if it’s relevant but he has cut all contact with the work colleague. He has moved location for the day he is in work, he has deleted all social media (although they never contacted each other that way) he has blocked her phone number. He has spoken to her to tell her that he no longer wants any contact, they cannot remain friends. From what I’ve read on here he is doing everything ‘right’ but I am still so angry.
My question is if my marriage is salvageable? Has anyone survived this? Truly truly survived?
We have two small children, 1 and 4. The idea of throwing away 16 years together, 8 married and tearing apart my family seems unfathomable… but so does staying.
0 comment posted: Tuesday, June 2nd, 2026
