Just found out and shattered at the level of betrayal
I have been married to my wife for 18 years, we have the most wonderful son who is 15. She has had a lifelong childhood male friend who is a family friend. he is more than 10 years older than her and has been in the family since she was very young. Her parents and his parents were friends, hence the family friendship. I have always had this uneasy feeling about their relation but put it down to long time family friendship. she has also always downplayed it saying they just really close because they grew up together. Recently we had a big fight over the lack of intimacy in our marriage, but this lack of intimacy has been an issue for many years. I have just come to find out that she has been sleeping with this friend on and off since 2012 and I am completely shattered and heart broken. I am yet to confront her as our son is in the middle of exams and I need to for his sake maintain stability. I plan to confront her this coming weekend as my son will be away due to a long weekend.
I don't know how to cope with this systematic betrayal that has taken place over the last 14 years. my head is spinning and I feel like I am spiralling out of control. I have not eaten in a week and cannot sleep.
The part of me that hates her for doing this just wants to never see her again, but the part that loves her wants to try and overcome this, but how would I ever be able to overcome this level of betrayal.
her relationship with our son is so constraint as well to the point that he says he hates her, this is all without him knowing this betrayal as yet and my feeling is that he will most certainly hate her after finding this out.
i am so conflicted and just need some advice please.
3 comments posted: Thursday, June 11th, 2026
