Every little thing triggers me

It has only been about three weeks since I found out my WW has never, or has been on and off, sexting since we got married nine years ago. She sexted before we met and while we dated, so plenty of guys have seen her body before. I was more upset by the stream of lies she fed me to hide things. While dating (before exlusive) she made a story up about travelling with her sister instead of going to meet an ex (questioned as it happened/just after, and a couple more times since). After the sexting came out with no room for stories and me overtrusting, my trust was shattered and preventing reconciliation. She ended up admitting she had slept with another guy twice (while visiting my family) three years ago (unfortunately I imagined nearly the exact thing happening, when she was gone far longer than usual to run an errand).

I love my wife and she wants to patch things up and move on (she said her brief affair was not enjoyable). The biggest obstacle we are facing is that I am triggered about little things, then my mind continues down a path until I cannot sleep, need to talk, or ask her about what happened so my brain stops imagining things.

Yesterday was a good day, until the kids were asleep. My wife teased me, but she was wearing the same panties that were in one of a handful of sexts that had been saved and I saw. We went to bed, but my brain slowly connected the dots - I had bought those panties for my wife on a date night. There were other photos 'taken for me, but she forgot to send' in my work shirt - one of which was her showing off her wedding ring. When I first came across those photos, I got the impression they were her teasing someone that she was taken (which she had told me is one of the things that made her enjoy sexting). She insisted they were for me. Last night my mind jumped from sexting in panties I bought her, to photos in my work shirt, to was every cute to sexy photo she took since our marriage sent to another guy?

In the middle of the night, I ended up shaking, heart beating fast, etc and needed help calming down. I woke her up for a hug (amazing how powerful they are, even from someone who has caused so much pain). Now she has spent all day in bed - tired with a headache; but she also has said barely a word to me today. Now I have relaxed about the sexting, but I am worried that she is now upset with me.

This is not the first time this or similar things have happened. Typically a relatively minor issue pops into my head, and slowly snowballs until I have trouble functioning/sleeping. Any suggestions how to talk myself down, so I do not need to make both of us tired the next day?

3 comments posted: Wednesday, June 24th, 2026