My whole world has shattered

Last week my whole world shattered. It started when a prescription to a pill called PrEP, which reduces the risk of getting HIV, showed up at my door addressed to my husband. When confronted he denied that he had ever signed up and it must have been a mistake on the part of the doctors office. After digging for evidence, it has been a series of 6 days in a row of trickle truth from my husband. Each day I dig, I find something new to confront him with. He admits only to what I have concrete evidence for. Turns out he has had an addiction to porn since high school when we met. It has continued all throughout our 15 years of marriage. Within the last few years the porn addiction turned into finding random people to sleep with on hook up apps. I have found evidence of 5 different people, but without concrete evidence I cannot be sure there were not more. We are high school sweethearts and have three children together aged 4, 10, and 12. I am completely devastated. He says he wants to change and get help, but I am torn between supporting him through his journey to healing and just ending the relationship. In all honesty, the relationship has been very far from healthy for a long time. Everything was always turned around and blamed on me. After researching I have stumbled across DARVO and trauma bonds. From what I've read it describes our relationship perfectly. It has been years and years of the same cycle over and over again. This time though with all the evidence out in the open he cannot blame me.

I feel stuck. I'm alone with just him and our children far away from any family. I am completely dependent on him financially and emotionally. I have no friends to lean on or help me in anyway. I do not know if I should believe him when he says he will change. He has made some good effort to start the process by finding support groups and reaching out to start therapy. He has also allowed me to track his phone. I want to give him a chance to change but I do not think I could take another heartbreak down the road if it fails. I also don't know how I could trust him to tell me the truth moving forward since nothing I found out came willingly from him. It was forced out through my investigation. He kept this side of him hidden from me for 20 years. Yes there were red flags, but they were always explained away and it was turned around into making me think I was just paranoid and crazy. What if he starts back up and I'm blind to it again? How many years might it take this time for me to find out now that he knows he needs to be even more careful? I'm just lost. Do I give him a chance? And even if I do what does that look like? He is living in a detached guestroom out behind our house at the moment. We only communicate through text about our children. Our son's birthday is coming up and we were supposed to spend the day at the lake, do I let him join? It will be quite awkward being together all day and not speaking, but do I really just brush it all under the rug and act like nothing happened? I guess I'm just looking for some guidance and outside opinions as to where to go from here.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and for any advice you have on how to move forward.

0 comment posted: Thursday, July 2nd, 2026