Advice appreciated.

My fiancé and I are working through healing together. I am doing extensive self work on myself to get to my root issues and have creates healthy boundaries to ensure that I never do anything like this again and actually change the fundamental issues that led to me being even capable of this type of betrayal. My partner is also really attempting to heal and attempting to manage their triggers better. And some of their triggers, they had been somewhat abusive with some of the things that they were saying, which I feel like are completely justified based on my actions and the betrayal and the deception and the gaslighting that I did. But we both realize how damaging some of the things that were being said are.
My question is, how can we be sure that they are not rug sweeping when they are attempting to process the triggers and not be explosive. I don’t wanna create a bigger wound for us to need to heal if they’re not actually processing.
We are regularly talking about the affair and my actions and deception, I am taking accountability and validating how they’re feeling and how fucked up all of it is.

And to betrayed spouses and partners out there : how can I best support them in their pain And what they are dealing with? What was helpful for you?

Thank you for taking the time to read this

1 comment posted: Tuesday, September 1st, 2026