Don't know what I'm supposed to do now

I have been with my husband for 14½ years. This November would have made 9 years of marriage. We've been having issues for quite some time and some of it had to do with him drinking a lot, then the issues started changing to other things, and recently the biggest issue was he had this co-worker who was a friend and he brought her into mine and my son's life and she also became my friend. However, their relationship just seemed too close and I confronted him twice if they were having an affair. Of course he said no and him and her gas lit me for months, almost a year. I finally got him to agree to couples therapy, where he then decided to share with me him and the friend have been having an affair for 2 years. They both made me feel crazy, like I was a bad friend, a bad wife, and I started making excuses on how things were even though many friends and family caught on they were too friendly with each other as well. There were rumors at their job that us 3 were in a poly relationship and I hate that now I can no longer show my face there because it's embarrassing that I was the fool. I was upset in the beginning and cried a lot, then I've been mad. I even was considering reconciling with him because of our history and our child, but he does not want to quit the job he works with her at, he only told her he needed space, they're running in a race together in October, he has no desire to not go to that or hasn't told me he will not see her there or try to avoid her. I asked him to get rid of this board he hangs all of his medals on that her father made for him and he didn't want to. He finally agreed, but it's still hanging on the wall. This all came out a month ago and I know it's still fresh, but I feel like I'm the only one stupid enough to want to fight for a man who clearly has no desire or interest to fight as well. It's just hard because we have been together since 17 and 18 years old and I am now almost 32. I have never dated really and I don't know how I am supposed to do all of this alone now.

3 comments posted: Thursday, September 10th, 2026