I don't know where to start
3 days ago my spouse said he had to go for some lab tests. When he came home, he admitted the tests had been for STD. I asked him why the urologist required that type of test since neither of us had ever been with another person.
I was so wrong. He told me he had been frequenting strip clubs and it had escalated to actual physical sex, multiple times, multiple years. Unprotected, for the excitement.
He has endangered himself, and me. I am at an even higher risk due to medical issues and medications that suppress my immune system. He offered to leave, knowing he was entirely in the wrong. Also knowing his grown children would likely have nothing more to do with him.
I don't know how I can trust him in the future, but I do want to save our marriage and relationship. We will be married 40 years soon. At the same time, I know just like the guy who beats his wife and promises to never do it again, this is an addiction and we both need help.
At this moment, he has refused to even look for a marriage counselor. It is very difficult to find competent mental health in the area. We have family and friends who have struggled with finding help, and have not found it.
I have no one I can talk to this about. Certainly not my children. We live in a very rural area where everybody knows everybody. I can't trust talking to a friend for fear of something slipping out to the wrong person. I so need a hug and a shoulder to cry on, but the shoulder I depended on is the one that betrayed me.
If this had been an aldultrous affair,I could at least make him write a letter of never meeting up again, except the isn't just one OW.
I go through each day trying to pretend everything is fine in front of the kids. My son and his growing family of very young children live with us.
I think I just need to hear someone with a similar story and how they moved forward. signed,devastatednlostnlonel
3 comments posted: Saturday, September 19th, 2026
