20 years together, 3 burner phones, emotional affair, mental breakdown... yet I still want it to work

This is very hard to write but I am thankful to have come across this group. I read some of the other stories and it almost felt as if I was talking about myself, I pray for some strength from realizing I am not alone.

I have been with my partner for 20 years, overall a very good relationship and we have been through everything imaginable together. He has always been my best friend.

At the end of May I discovered he was having an emotional affair with a woman living in Canada, we are in the US. It was his girlfriend from 45 years ago and it threw my entire world into turmoil.

Once discovered there were over 200+ hours of phone calls, 72 pages of texts... an average of 3 hours per day.

To say I was crushed was an understatement. I blocked access on our phone account only to have them begin communicating through messenger, eventually 1, 2, 3 burner phones.

I had a mental breakdown in July because I felt my entire foundation of my life had dropped out from under me. Many health issues, quit my job, ran away to a hotel for a while.

Each time discovered though he would promise it was over, only to have me discover another phone.

I wanted to be strong and say leave... I actually did make him move out twice, but each time I allowed and wanted him to come home.

I'm back working again and trying to focus on getting myself stronger. At this point I do know there is still a burner phone in our garage, which I have no access to. It taunts me constantly.

He has told me I can look any time I want, yet there is part of me that just doesn't want to know anymore. I just want my life back.

He has always been a man of integrity, ethics and protection of our lives.... I am now so afraid of what has happened and I truly wonder if I will ever be 'normal' again.

I still want our relationship to work, I still love him and want to believe him so badly. His actions show he is trying and does love me but the lies and that phone in the garage still haunt me all the time.

I feel broken hearted to read others posts and realize the devastation each of us is feeling... it truly debilitates everything in life and it is so hard to get ourselves back.

I'm just happy to find others that can truly understand and that we can offer support for one another

6 comments posted: Saturday, October 10th, 2026