Partner of over 10 years, cheating on me

It's been 12 weeks since I discovered my partner of over 10 years had been cheating on me. The other woman found me and messaged me; he had lied to her too, meeting her on a dating website 5 months prior and telling her he was single and looking for a long term relationship.

I was oblivious; we are middle aged and he was a kind, gentle man, we lived together and spent a lot of time together and had a fun life, I had no idea he would be capable of such deception, both to me and the other woman.

I confronted him, but I didn't disclose much about what the other woman had told me, and he denied, deflected, minimised and lied about the affair, stating I was getting it out of perspective.

He left the day after; I have reached out a couple of times to tell him my pain and upset and asking for an honest account from him, but when he tries to reflect, he stutters, deflects, changes the subject or tells a stupid lie about the other woman that makes no sense.

He had apologised for the deep hurt he has caused me but he just won't take accountability, or show remorse. He talks about the 5 months of deception, lies, and affair as a series of 'bad decisions', 'the situation', 'what's happened'. As if he physically cannot let a single word of admission leave his lips.

I am doing a lot of research into his behaviour, why he would behave in such a cruel way? I gave him opportunities whilst we were together to leave if he wasn't happy. I'd asked him not to cheat on me, to please talk to me first and to leave before embarking on a new relationship. I think this is one of the most painful things as he ignored that emotional heartfelt request.

Anyway, 12 weeks and I am still bursting into tears, all the time - hoping he will call, or email me to explain his actions. But he doesn't, he won't, and I am devastated.

0 comment posted: Sunday, November 1st, 2026