How do you stop feeling ugly?

It was 3 months ago, and a week after I initiated our breakup for other (non-betrayal-related) reasons, that my husband told me about a 2-year-long PA he had five years ago. I had always trusted him completely and was utterly blindsided by this confession. To summarize my general emotions since, Month 1 was shock and disbelief, and Month 2 was intense rage. There is still rage but the edges have softened- thank goodness because I actually damaged my throat from screaming - and now in Month 3, I am suddenly plagued with intense insecurity about my appearance.

This is especially weird for me because I come from a family where beauty was not important, and I have always been generally confident in myself and happy/ not concerned with my looks. However, the woman my husband cheated with is 10 years younger than us and stereotypically prettier than me- blond, bigger boobs, etc. And now, I have a loud inner voice constantly critiquing my belly, my eye wrinkles, my greying hair, etc etc. Sometimes it's the opposite- I'll look in the mirror and think how hot I am, and how on Earth could anyone say no to THIS? But I know that type of self-talk is just a desperate response to the critical voice.

Last week, I actually didn't go to a work event (I lied that I got sick) because I became hysterical in thinking that I was too ugly, too unfit for public eyes, to be there. Even as I was feeling this, crying in the car after I parked with the intention of going, I knew how completely insane this logic was. I don't work in the beauty industry, and my attractiveness has no bearing on my work being successful. Thankfully I haven't had an episode as intense as that one since, but I am still consistently much more focused on and critical of my appearance and "attractiveness" than I've ever been in my life.

Ugh! This is the worst. Have others experienced this? Is there a cure?

0 comment posted: Thursday, November 12th, 2026