I want and need to join here too.
I have a problem that i don't know how to cope with.
Believe it or not everything is going well. I got the remorse, the work it takes etc etc etc.
But i need to let go and after 3 years i am realising that i just don't know how to.
The EA was not PA and i cannot find any proof otherwise. They live so far from each other she is his first gf from his hometown and he hasn't been there in 3 years. Neither have i! Parents are still alive.
We have discussed this until we are both sick of it, me included as i really want to put it behind us.
It's almost like there was a honemoon perion in the reconcilliation period and everything was reall wonderful. Almost like we were both lifted up into a new fog and now we are coming down again.
I am constantly doing things to make him happy and aware that this is not the best solution as i am also expecting return of investment!!
I know that this can signify a feeling of insecurity on my part and we have discussed it. I am getting what i want here so what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't even feel any envy or jealousy towards the OW, i don't sneak looks at emails, phone calls bla bla bla anymore and don't feel the need to!
What i do feel is a reflection of who i am, i feel that i have worked sop hard on the reconcilliation that i am no longer true to myself.
I feel angry that i was put into the position where i too had to recover and save him from the mess.
I guess i always somehow felt guilty and part of the reason he looked somewhere else in the first place.
I know i was not to blame for his affair i know that he is responsible and he knows that too.
So why do i feel guilty for not being able to satisfy my own husband enough for him to look somewhere else?
I still have so many why's it is obvious that my h cannot answer these as he has tried til he is blue in the face.
My problem is with me and no amount of IC can help that.
I seem to others to be so happy and balanced, good at my job but deep inside i am struggling with this infidelity.
Yes, i know it can be that i am too proud, try too hard to be a perfectionist and this kicked me in the gut. Some people might say " Hah! silly cow she deserved it but i am hurting.
If i don't sort myself out soon i might just lose everything for good. I am really begging for help to understand why i cannot let go. I would appreciate so much some help from both ws and Bs in what i can do to move on.
A good kick in the butt might just help.