This is a letter to my FWW. Please give your response, should I ask these questions? FWS's please let me know how you would respond to a letter and questions like this.
This is a letter to let you know what goes through my mind as a result of the affair. This is not meant to punish you but rather to give you an insight into what goes through my mind and the issues I struggle with. The hard thing for me is that those 18 months remain shrouded in darkness for me. Occasionally I get little peeks into that world and the landscape, this is good for me to develop an understanding of what happened. In my mind you have all the answers. When I ask and you are defensive or angry it makes it worse for me. So in many cases I have quit trying to understand or question but going forward I need to know what happened so I can deal with the facts rather than my suppositions. I want to move forward and I don’t want to live in the past but I think I need an understanding of the past to put it behind me. Evasiveness and defensiveness makes it worse. I’m writing this letter so I don’t blindside you and put you on the spot. Not because I want to be impersonal but out of respect for you. In putting myself in your shoes I have thought that I would be very nervous about answering questions I am not prepared for and where everything hangs on my response. I realize that this is the past for you and you may not remember specific instances or you may have to think of your responses. I would like to give you that time with no pressure.
I’ll start with the timeline as I understand it…
Prague…
You met him in Prague and he perused you. You had sex with him in a park as he was walking you home. You feel that he was shocked that you did it. Is that because you initiated it? You then had sex with him again in his hotel room in the bathroom.
If you wouldn’t have seen him after your arrival back in Canada you think it might have been over but you met him again when you went back to the airport to pick up the sticks and had coffee.
You had sex with him again one afternoon in the other city while you were at your course at the College in May 07. It’s a 45 min drive one way. Did you skip classes?
In July you had sex with him again when he came to see you in the city during a course or event. He did not stay the night but left late evening.
In Aug 07 you had sex one night with him again in the city. Again he left late at night and did not sleep over.
In Jan 08 while we were in the city for our son’s tournament you met him on the south side Super 8 and had sex with him. This was not a good experience. Was he in the Mall the day before? Were you trying to get away to see him that day? You really wanted the truck and to go by yourself to a different mall. Was this to see him? How did you arrange your meeting the next day?
In Feb 08 you had sex with him one night while you were in the city.
In Mar 08 you had sex with him again one night while you were in the city.
One of these times you went to his town to surprise him and got a hotel and he stayed with you the night. This was not a good time either.
This is the timeline as I understand it. Is this correct?
Here are my questions. Please understand many of these questions arise from the last disclosure. I did ask some once but it was not a good experience for both of us. I pray that this is better. I can’t seem to get these questions out of my mind and the devil uses them to put me in a bad state wondering and feeling that you are still withholding information that could help my healing.
Is this the only time you were unfaithful to me in any way?
You said that it wasn’t about sex and the sex wasn’t that good, actually you only had one orgasm, a very small one. Why then did you keep on meeting him for sex?
He orgasmed in your mouth. Was that planned? His plan or your plan?
Did you ever think of me while you were with him? Were there any comparisons in your mind? Did you ever think of what you were doing or was it all just an escape?
I know you did talk about us with him. What was the nature of those conversations?
You said you used no protection. Were you on the pill? Did you ever become concerned that you were pregnant? I know you missed your period at least once during that time. You said that the times you had sex with him it was either just before or after your period, however you were usually with him on the 15th to the 21st. At that time your period started on the 3rd. Were you not worried because we had unprotected sex for a long time and you did not get pregnant? Or did it just not enter your mind?
How explicit were the pictures to and from him? Any videos or pictures of you together? Having sex? Did you just send him boob shots or did you send him everything? Did he request certain pictures?
Did you use toys with him? Our toys?
