SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I see so many similarities between other people's WS's and my WH - addictive nature of his A, sleeping with the phone in his pocket, "Nothing physical...well, it was just one time...ok, there was a second time...", rationalizing his behavior, demonizing me while slapping angel wings on her, etc. Anyone out there have more to add? It makes me feel "normal" to see that I'm not the only one, that there's a pattern to it.

The complete role reversal in their attitudes towards A's?

-Rewriting Marital History to justify the A. i.e "I was never happy" "Got married too young"

-Seeing OP as a "good" person or they are different..not like that(a homewrecking whore)

-Tickle Truth

It is like a handbook, so much that it is almost comical.... if it wasn't an A, I would laugh my butt off at the script that is followed by WS.

I think the title of the WS handbook should be titled "MADE IN CHINA".

That's because my FWS affair is a text book case. All of the things he did, the choices he made and why makes HIM ordinary and that "relationship" (if you can really call it that) ordinary and it could have come off of any assembly line anywhere. When I'm depressed and I think about their couple-dom, I always imagine them with big fat "made in china" tattoos because that situation was so generic it's laughable.

What is extraordinary is the love that endures after so much heartache and most especially the person still capable of loving. Can't get that "replicted in china".

My WH answer to everything was "just friends". I hate those two words. H still says that it was not a A because of no sex. I gave him the book "not just friends" and asked him to read several things I found on the internet. He is going to hold on to that for the rest of his life. And there isn't anything I can do about it.

There where so many stupid things that he said to me that I'm actually trying to forget.

What's in WS handbook? A picture of my husband.

[This message edited by heart_in_a_blend at 10:08 AM, December 8th (Tuesday)]

So sad that our lives feel like script for bad movie:

You didn't give me attention.

She understands me.(She doesn't know you.)

I haven't loved you since ....

Phone answered and head outside, bathroom, garage.

It was one lunch ok 2 ok 12.

There was no physical contact ...ok kissing...ok hugging and fondle...ok oral sex...

too many and too trite and too hurtful because WE at SI know lies now when we hear them.

I was lonely

He is just a friend

Nothing happened

It was nothing

I don't know

I don't remember

I was drunk

You made me do it

It only happened once

"I love you but am not in love with you"

Yes, is bloody laughable how waywards are so predictable/assembly line... but they think their situation and feelings are so f'n SPECIAL.

I wish foggy waywards would look in the mirror, come down a notch, and read a f'n book on something/anything to do with relationships/marriage/infidelity/basic communication/expressing feelings. Their actions are so immature, and they don't even know it.

Then, then, it's the stronger spouse, the betrayed one, who has to pick up the pieces. I did not ask for this!!

C and C, thanks for being there for me to vent!

[This message edited by Cloudy and Clear at 10:27 AM, December 8th (Tuesday)]

"You don't want me to have ANY friends!"

"It was totally innocent."

"You are jealous and controlling."

Erasing everything from phone and computer history.

With phone every second, even in bed or in bathroom.

Spending lots of time "checking email" on computer (like hours).

"He's a really great guy. You'd be friends if you got to know him better."

"He & I have so much in common!"

"We talked on the phone maybe once or twice for like 5 minutes. Well, maybe like 5 or 6 times." It was actually many, many phone calls, usually for over an hour.

"NOTHING is going on! You have nothing to worry about."

"I just need some time to myself."

[This message edited by Crossbow at 12:16 PM, December 8th (Tuesday)]

-Rewriting Marital History to justify the A. i.e "I was never happy" "Got married too young"

My WW has said these things too.

I started laughing when I read the "got married too young". WW just started that one. It must be in some of the later chapters.

It still does sorta surprise me how standard it all is. I mean, we have thousands of members here, most of which share basically the SAME story.

I don't know how many times I read something I could've written myself.

Affair relationships are not that special or 'so different'...they all begin on a foundation of bullshit.

My WH's handbook includes:

"You ignored me."

"You never listen to me."

"We've had marital problems for a long time."

"I don't know what I want."

Another one I loved:

"What if I was meant to be with them and not you?"

Yeah, you keep telling yourself that one sweetheart! lol

Isn't there a WS handbook thread with tons of info around here somewhere?

I am so lousy at finding old threads...maybe in JFO? It has pages and pages...I think? Lord I getting senile

"He is a really good person!"

Over and over and over again. Please. How good of a person do you think he is in his wife's eyes, now that I have informed her of the A?

They defend themselves to rationalize all this shit.

joe

So pathetic - I've heard nearly all of these! It does make me feel better to know that the standard for WS's is so generic.

What about:

"I didn't know our marriage was an option"

"Had I known your true feelings..."

"I was at the end of my rope"

"I never wanted it both ways"

Some days I think I will literally go insane listening to FWS's circular logic and all of this insanity he tries to spin as remotely rational and based in truth.

"We weren't communicating."

"I didn't think you cared about me."

"I never thought you'd find out."

"I never, ever compared you to her."

"Yes, we had sex (WH & OW), but it was lousy."

Add working late, working weekends, taking phone calls outside, becoming completely lost in thought to the point of not knowing anyone else is in the room, and changing tastes in music and food.