This Topic is Archived
Tried23 (original poster member #21076) posted at 3:54 AM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
What the hell is wrong with me? I went off the deep edge tonight. No empathy for my BS. Totally self centered. I even watched a show tonight "Beautiful
Girls" thinking he was asleep.
I'm so sad. It makes me wonder why he even should be with me. I'm so selfish. It really sucks to be my husband tonight. He deserves better.
Me: FWS (me) 48
Husband: BS 44
Married: 14 Years, 2 kids (14 and 13)
D-Day 1: 07/27/08
D-Day 2: 4/15/09 Same OM
D-Day 3: 3/2/2010 All disclosed
Reconciling
Mistake ( member #29483) posted at 3:57 AM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
What exactly happened? Has he reacted?
Me: WW 29
Him: BS 31
Married: Going on four years. Been together six
D-day: 8/29/10
TammyLynn70 ( member #28470) posted at 1:38 PM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
(((Tried23)))
Today is another day, and your chance to right the ship. Talk to your BH, apologize, tell him you realize yesterday was a bad day for you and you are sorry for any hurt it caused him.
Was there anything that put you in a bad mood yesterday?
Copeland ( member #21005) posted at 3:20 PM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
Well, you realize your mistake & at least after the fact you show empathy. That's good.
Now, instead of indulging in self-reproach you need to be a tough, but caring adult to yourself. In a calm manner tell your spouse what you were doing, what feelings led to your behavior & what you are going to do to prevent this in the future. Let him know you will include him in this work. You will be honest with your feelings, even if you feel embarrassed by your feelings you will speak them out loud to him.
If you're serious about maintaining this relationship you will move beyond this initial self-punishment and take on the hard work of partnership.
Male 49-No longer defining myself by fidelity roles...been both. Time for a new start.
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."-Leonard Cohen
Tried23 (original poster member #21076) posted at 5:54 PM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
Man did I get myself into a bad situation. I totally regressed into pre affair behavior.
Glad to say that we had a good conversation. He was triggering about seeing the OP at work yesterday and I was trying to brush it off not thinking it would bother him. This OP used to be his best friend.
The severity of the situation was clear but I was too self indulgent to feel any of his pain and was just wishing it would go away.
Normally I don't act this way and clearly empathize with him. I definitely think the stress at work has alot to do with it.
I make the committment (again) that I will be there for him when he needs reassurance.
[This message edited by Tried23 at 11:54 AM, September 2nd (Thursday)]
Me: FWS (me) 48
Husband: BS 44
Married: 14 Years, 2 kids (14 and 13)
D-Day 1: 07/27/08
D-Day 2: 4/15/09 Same OM
D-Day 3: 3/2/2010 All disclosed
Reconciling
leftoolate ( member #22658) posted at 8:07 PM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
Tried23, you are one brave woman. Yes, you screwed up - and then you talked about it. Good work, thanks for sharing it.
~L.
If you came this far, you're looking for something. - Jrazz
EmptyCup ( member #22909) posted at 10:22 PM on Tuesday, September 7th, 2010
I'm sorry you had a rough patch, but working through difficult things together will make you two stronger. I'm a conflict avoider, so I always have to force myself to deal with something instead of avoiding and wishing it would just go away. It's hard.
Hope things are going better now.
FWW, reconciled with my best friend <3
Nothing much but love to give you, even less have I to hide - Tim O'Brien
Tried23 (original poster member #21076) posted at 11:31 PM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
Hi EC - Glad you are back!!! I missed you 
Me: FWS (me) 48
Husband: BS 44
Married: 14 Years, 2 kids (14 and 13)
D-Day 1: 07/27/08
D-Day 2: 4/15/09 Same OM
D-Day 3: 3/2/2010 All disclosed
Reconciling
This Topic is Archived
